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Father. This word brings up a variety of thoughts and emotions when it is spoken or thought about. Thinking of your own father or other fathers you know probably brings a lot of memories, both good and bad.

A father is a person of great influence in a life. He has a strong affect on his children whether he never spends one day with them or whether he is present every day of their lives. A father forever affects his children’s picture of a man and of a provider. Many little boys grow up and want to be just like their father. Many girls grow up and want to marry someone just like their father.

What thoughts or memories does the word ‘father’ invoke for you? Are your first thoughts pleasant or hard? Do you have childhood memories that include hours of playtime with your father? Or maybe you remember how your father taught you to fish, climb trees, or build huge castles. Did your father teach you how to ride a bike, catch a baseball or throw a football? If only everyone could be so lucky and have nothing but great memories and feel fondness for their father.

Having a good father is something that will forever impact the heart and life of a child. So, whether you grew up with an amazing father or a not so memorable father, it is important that you commit yourself to learning to be a good father for your own children.

How can you be a good father? Fathering children well is simply a matter of loving your children like you would love anyone else. What does loving someone require? Perhaps you think of time or perhaps you think of giving gifts as a way to love someone. One of the best ways to be a good father is to spend time with your children. Make time in your busy schedule for them. Spend time getting into their worlds, learning about what they do at school, learning about their friends, and learning about the things they care about. You will never have a strong relationship with your children if they have no memories of time with their father. So rather than working those extra hours of overtime consider spending those hours playing with and learning your children.

Another way to become a great father is to verbally affirm and praise your children. A child’s confidence and security can be built up greatly with kind words from a father or mother. Consider the power of your words and the affect that one negative or positive comment can have on your child. For most children it is the negative comments they will remember, so look for ways to cut out negative comments or criticism. Let your children grow up with nothing but praise and loving words from their father.

Having a great father can be one of the biggest blessings in a child’s life. And being a great father can be one of the greatest blessings in your life. So, think of creative ways to get involved in the lives of children and be the kind of father they will try to emulate someday.

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Question:

Is there a “typical” relationship between the narcissist and his family?

Answer:

We are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires a whole emotional baggage from the former to the latter. The narcissist is no exception.

The narcissist has a dichotomous view of humanity: humans are either Sources of Narcissistic Supply (and, then, idealised and over-valued) or do not fulfil this function (and, therefore, are valueless, devalued). The narcissist gets all the love that he needs from himself. From the outside he needs approval, affirmation, admiration, adoration, attention in other words, externalised Ego boundary functions.

He does not require nor does he seek his parents’ or his siblings’ love, or to be loved by his children. He casts them as the audience in the theatre of his inflated grandiosity. He wishes to impress them, shock them, threaten them, infuse them with awe, inspire them, attract their attention, subjugate them, or manipulate them.

He emulates and simulates an entire range of emotions and employs every means to achieve these effects. He lies (narcissists are pathological liars their very self is a false one). He acts the pitiful, or, its opposite, the resilient and reliable. He stuns and shines with outstanding intellectual, or physical capacities and achievements, or behaviour patterns appreciated by the members of the family. When confronted with (younger) siblings or with his own children, the narcissist is likely to go through three phases:

At first, he perceives his offspring or siblings as a threat to his Narcissistic Supply, such as the attention of his spouse, or mother, as the case may be. They intrude on his turf and invade the Pathological Narcissistic Space. The narcissist does his best to belittle them, hurt (even physically) and humiliate them and then, when these reactions prove ineffective or counter productive, he retreats into an imaginary world of omnipotence. A period of emotional absence and detachment ensues.

His aggression having failed to elicit Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist proceeds to indulge himself in daydreaming, delusions of grandeur, planning of future coups, nostalgia and hurt (the Lost Paradise Syndrome). The narcissist reacts this way to the birth of his children or to the introduction of new foci of attention to the family cell (even to a new pet!).

Whoever the narcissist perceives to be in competition for scarce Narcissistic Supply is relegated to the role of the enemy. Where the uninhibited expression of the aggression and hostility aroused by this predicament is illegitimate or impossible the narcissist prefers to stay away. Rather than attack his offspring or siblings, he sometimes immediately disconnects, detaches himself emotionally, becomes cold and uninterested, or directs transformed anger at his mate or at his parents (the more “legitimate” targets).

Other narcissists see the opportunity in the “mishap”. They seek to manipulate their parents (or their mate) by “taking over” the newcomer. Such narcissists monopolise their siblings or their newborn children. This way, indirectly, they benefit from the attention directed at the infants. The sibling or offspring become vicarious sources of Narcissistic Supply and proxies for the narcissist.

An example: by being closely identified with his offspring, a narcissistic father secures the grateful admiration of the mother (”What an outstanding father/brother he is”). He also assumes part of or all the credit for baby’s/sibling’s achievements. This is a process of annexation and assimilation of the other, a strategy that the narcissist makes use of in most of his relationships.

As siblings or progeny grow older, the narcissist begins to see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is completely transformed. The former threats have now become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to become submerged in his follies-de-grandeur.

It is at this stage that the risk of child abuse – up to and including outright incest – is heightened. The narcissist is auto-erotic. He is the preferred object of his own sexual attraction. His siblings and his children share his genetic material. Molesting or having intercourse with them is as close as the narcissist gets to having sex with himself.

Moreover, the narcissist perceives sex in terms of annexation. The partner is “assimilated” and becomes an extension of the narcissist, a fully controlled and manipulated object. Sex, to the narcissist, is the ultimate act of depersonalization and objectification of the other. He actually masturbates with other people’s bodies.

Minors pose little danger of criticizing the narcissist or confronting him. They are perfect, malleable and abundant sources of Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist derives gratification from having coital relations with adulating, physically and mentally inferior, inexperienced and dependent “bodies”.

These roles allocated to them explicitly and demandingly or implicitly and perniciously by the narcissist are best fulfilled by ones whose mind is not yet fully formed and independent. The older the siblings or offspring, the more they become critical, even judgemental, of the narcissist. They are better able to put into context and perspective his actions, to question his motives, to anticipate his moves.

As they mature, they often refuse to continue to play the mindless pawns in his chess game. They hold grudges against him for what he has done to them in the past, when they were less capable of resistance. They can gauge his true stature, talents and achievements which, usually, lag far behind the claims that he makes.

This brings the narcissist a full cycle back to the first phase. Again, he perceives his siblings or sons/daughters as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned and devaluing. He loses all interest, becomes emotionally remote, absent and cold, rejects any effort to communicate with him, citing life pressures and the preciousness and scarceness of his time.

He feels burdened, cornered, besieged, suffocated, and claustrophobic. He wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have become totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand why he has to support them, or to suffer their company and he believes himself to have been deliberately and ruthlessly trapped.

He rebels either passively-aggressively (by refusing to act or by intentionally sabotaging the relationships) or actively (by being overly critical, aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically abusive and so on). Slowly to justify his acts to himself he gets immersed in conspiracy theories with clear paranoid hues.

To his mind, the members of the family conspire against him, seek to belittle or humiliate or subordinate him, do not understand him, or stymie his growth. The narcissist usually finally gets what he wants and the family that he has created disintegrates to his great sorrow (due to the loss of the Narcissistic Space) but also to his great relief and surprise (how could they have let go someone as unique as he?).

This is the cycle: the narcissist feels threatened by arrival of new family members he tries to assimilate or annex of siblings or offspring he obtains Narcissistic Supply from them he overvalues and idealizes these newfound sources as sources grow older and independent, they adopt anti narcissistic behaviours the narcissist devalues them the narcissist feels stifled and trapped the narcissist becomes paranoid the narcissist rebels and the family disintegrates.

This cycle characterises not only the family life of the narcissist. It is to be found in other realms of his life (his career, for instance). At work, the narcissist, initially, feels threatened (no one knows him, he is a nobody). Then, he develops a circle of admirers, cronies and friends which he “nurtures and cultivates” in order to obtain Narcissistic Supply from them. He overvalues them (to him, they are the brightest, the most loyal, with the biggest chances to climb the corporate ladder and other superlatives).

But following some anti-narcissistic behaviours on their part (a critical remark, a disagreement, a refusal, however polite) the narcissist devalues all these previously idealized individuals. Now that they have dared oppose him – they are judged by him to be stupid, cowardly, lacking in ambition, skills and talents, common (the worst expletive in the narcissist’s vocabulary), with an unspectacular career ahead of them.

The narcissist feels that he is misallocating his scarce and invaluable resources (for instance, his time). He feels besieged and suffocated. He rebels and erupts in a serious of self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours, which lead to the disintegration of his life.

Doomed to build and ruin, attach and detach, appreciate and depreciate, the narcissist is predictable in his “death wish”. What sets him apart from other suicidal types is that his wish is granted to him in small, tormenting doses throughout his anguished life.

Appendix – Custody and Visitation

A parent diagnosed with full-fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) should be denied custody and be granted only restricted rights of visitation under supervision.

Narcissists accord the same treatment to children and adults. They regard both as sources of narcissistic supply, mere instruments of gratification – idealize them at first and then devalue them in favour of alternative, safer and more subservient, sources. Such treatment is traumatic and can have long-lasting emotional effects.

The narcissist’s inability to acknowledge and abide by the personal boundaries set by others puts the child at heightened risk of abuse – verbal, emotional, physical, and, often, sexual. His possessiveness and panoply of indiscriminate negative emotions – transformations of aggression, such as rage and envy – hinder his ability to act as a “good enough” parent. His propensities for reckless behaviour, substance abuse, and sexual deviance endanger the child’s welfare, or even his or her life.

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What I am about to tell you may save the life of your child. In today’s world the safety and well-being of your teenager depends on his awareness and knowledge of sex.
It is critical that you, as a responsible and loving parent address that issue in detail. Here are some key questions to broach the subject, to let your child know you care and want the best for him.

Recognize he may be reluctant to speak about something so personal with you if you are not accustomed to sharing feelings and intimate topics. You may feel embarrassed bringing up the subject.
Before you do, be sure you can answer these questions for yourself. Also, decide what you are comfortable sharing about your personal experiences and beliefs on the subject of teen sexuality and activity.

* To start, simply ask your teenager, “What kind of questions do you have or what do you want to know more about regarding sex?” You will certainly grab his attention.

* You may want to throw out some information he is unlikely to know, something like, “Do you know that the sex partners you choose can influence your vulnerability to certain types of cancer?”

The object here is to get your child talking-or at least willing to talk. He may tell you he knows everything he needs to know. Where do you go from there?

* Ask, “Do you know that sex is not the same thing as love?” Watch his face for acknowledgement, disagreement, or confusion. Follow up with, “Sex is physical while love is emotional”.

Listen to him. Pay attention to what he says and to the words he does not speak. Notice his body language, hear the underlying message, the words between the lines, his tone, word choice and pace. Note his emotions, eye contact, and whether he is at ease or trying to conceal any discomfort.

If you do observe that he is uncomfortable, tell him you noticed and ask if he wants to talk about what is bothering him. Assure him that you are not here to judge him.

Most important, let him know you are having this talk because you love him and no matter what he has done or is thinking about doing, he is safe talking with you. Tell him nothing can change your love for him.

And then go where he takes you. If he chooses to be silent, let him be silent. It is okay to have silence. You do not need to speak. He may be processing.

Give him the time and space he needs to do what he needs to do. He knows you are available when he wants to talk.

Facts are key. If he has unanswered questions, where can he go for accurate information? The streets, his friends, and the media may not be the best place to find what he seeks on the subject of sex.

* Be sure you ask your child, “Do you know that protection is not a 100% guarantee of health, safety or an absolute deterrent to pregnancy?” Be sure he knows the consequences of the actions he may or may not take.

* Follow-up with, “Do you want help or advice in obtaining protection?” That question is especially important for girls who may want to see a gynecologist and may not know how to find a good one who can take care of her needs.

If your teen uses the Internet, know that more than 61,000 searches were done in the month of April on phrases dealing with teen pornography. What pages is your child visiting? Ask. Know that if you impose your will he will go elsewhere to pursue his desires. Build trust with your teenager.

The purpose in having this talk is education. I do not, in any way, shape, or form, advocate teen sex. However, statistics show that youngsters as young as 13 engage in sexual activity. Have the talk now.

When hormones and peer pressure kick in, a wise and educated youngster, who has previously given thought to and made decisions about his actions, has a better chance of living the life he wants than one who has not prepared himself for the inevitable emotions and situations that will come up in life.

Actions and results, desirable and undesirable, reflect self esteem. To change behaviors, treat the cause not just the symptoms.

What is the cost, to you and to him, of not knowing where your teenager stands on sex?

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In the way the world functions today moving for career or personal reasons is inevitable. Studies show that on an average families move at least 3-4 times in a life time. Moving even for the veteran mover is a challenge and if there are kids or pets involved then the tensions and problems are greater.

Children are often disturbed by changes in their home environment and schedule and are reluctant to leave their friends and familiar environment to move to a new place. It is important for you to set aside time to help your kids cope with change and understand that moving is no monster.

Most parents plan to move during holidays when the school term has ended. In actuality this makes it harder for the kids. Think about it, it is easier to adjust and cope when you are busy and have made a few friends. So, if you move during school term the kids will start at a new school and have plenty of interaction with teachers and classmates. They will also start following a schedule and have no time to brood or think about the changes in their lives.

I know moving can be a burden with umpteen things to do but make time to sit down with the kids and explain why the need to move, and what they can look forward to. Instill in them a sense of security and if possible, assign a few responsibilities like maintaining a list for moving, caring for pets, having a going away treat for their friends and so on.

Involve the kids in house hunting and finding out stuff about the new city or town where you are moving. If you are moving to a rural area then try and make it seem like an adventure. Add a sense of anticipation and excitement.

Plan activities with them a say goodbye to old home, school, neighborhood, and friend activity and a hello to the new home and environment. Help them cope with emotions, uncertainties, and more by asking a favorite aunt or grandparent over to spend time with them, showing them pictures of the new home, allowing them to keep in touch with old friends by quickly hooking up the Internet connection when you arrive into your new home.

Let each child decide what to take with them in their hand luggage something special. Maybe a soft toy, an old blanket, a much loved book, or collection of stamps or coins, or base ball cards.

Plan a family group night in the new home. Spread out sleeping bags in the large living room and if its winter light a fire, watch movies together, roast marshmallows, sing songs, and exchange hugs. Being with each other and their parents will help settle fluttering stomachs and doubts.

Reassure your kids that you will always be there for them, until they settle in; consider taking leave from work, flexi timings, or asking a grandparent to stay with them for a while. Consider aspects of child care and a day care center. If you have small children find out whether your new work place encourages mothers to bring children with them into work.

Make the new environment a discovery. Explore the neighborhood together, take them on a tour of the school, local library and y. Go swimming with them, and retrace the route they will take each day. Introduce yourself and the kids to neighbors, ask neighboring kids over to your new home so that the kids can make new friends.

Be a vigilant parent and look out for signs of being upset, bad behavior, nervousness, loss of appetites, bad dreams, frequent bathroom visits at night, demands for attention, or to sleep in with you. If you notice any of these you must take all essential steps to correct matters before they get nasty.

Children live in a world quite different from ours so help them with love, understanding, and patience.

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Problem solving and conflict resolution for children should begin being taught early on. If youre a parent of multiple children in your family this becomes apparent as it wont take siblings long at all to become engaged in some type of sharing violation with one another. Children of a family with other children almost immediately are engaged in a social type of activity albeit only with their brothers and sisters early on. Conflicts and resolving those conflicts soon become part of their day.

At an early age children are in more of a self exploration and self discovery mode. From there and from a socialization progression you will see kids playing together but not as a coordinated group. In other words, the next progression is to see a group of children geographically playing together but they all still have their own toys and objects. The next step of the socialization of play is around 2 to 3 years old where youll see kids begin activities that begin to require interaction and subsequently problem solving and conflict resolution.

As a homeschooling parents you have the opportunity to actually teach conflict resolution and problem solving techniques and skills rather than just solving them. As a part of conflict resolution its important to get children to express themselves and their feelings and get past their initial emotional reaction. This will initially take some time and practice, and you should take the time to get back to, and discuss the conflict that occurred at a later time or date after the emotions have calmed sufficiently down. Discussing previous conflicts and how they could have reacted and handled them is a key in their emotional growth.

As all children do early on, before they have the ability to concisely express themselves, they learn that many times crying and even screaming resolves their conflict because as parents we try to assuage the behavior by getting them what they want or need. The time needed for this emotional growth and self education just isnt available in the public schools. But as a homeschooling parent this should be a practiced activity.

Understanding and teaching conflict resolution to your children is an integral part of their social development and growth. Without these tools, children will grow into adults resolving problems the only way the have ever known how to do with emotional behavior, and sadly, many times with force.

There is a tremendous amount of excellent information on these techniques and teaching them to children of all ages. Make them part of your day, and a part of your childs life and they will grow in depth and confidence.

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Being a parent is not easy, but it is a great challenge. After all, we are responsible for helping, raising and educating our children from the stage of a baby into the stage of adulthood. Although they move on into adulthood, we never stop being parents and always want to make sure that they are doing well. As a paradox, we need to learn how to be less of a parent, in order to reduce parental stress!

As good parents, we want to protect them from the world, but the world will show up and then we need to transfer control, in other words, to let them learn to deal with the world, and even more, to let them learn from their own mistakes. Of course, this will make parental stress worse for a while, but in the long run it will be better for them to learn this way. However, this does not mean that we should not keep an eye on our children, but also we must allow them to be imperfect and they will learn to find their own way.

Helpful Resources for Reducing Parental Stress

We must keep our stress under control, even if our children may become rebellious for a while (especially during the teenage years) and they will probably try to act in a way that may shock us.

Keep in mind the following things and you may be able to keep your parental stress to a minimum:

- Teenagers are not perfect, neither are adults

- Teenagers are always eager to go their own way

- Try to figure out what is going on in their heads

- Do not forget that we were their age once…

When the parental stress gets to be too much, we have a lot of helpful resources, such as: support groups, books, and websites that want to help us through our child-raising stress.

By managing our own parental stress, we allow our children to grow up and keep our emotions under control. So, rather than allowing parental stress to take over our life, we better keep an eye on our children, making sure that they are doing well and enjoying their life together within the family.

Conventional and Unconventional Stress-Relievers

You may here about all kind of popular stress management techniques, but I will show you here some original and creative stress relievers that keep myself and my family feel more relaxed and enjoy our life.

Playing With Kids: Have fun, play and interact with your kids! If you have small children, do not just supervise them, better really play with them! This can be a great diversion from your stress, and the children will love it, too. Walk and talk with your older children, shop and talk with your teens and the parental stress is gone!

Maintain a Clean and Organized Living Space: Cleaning your house and getting organized at home it is very important task. A beautifully decorated, comforting environment in your home can be a safe haven where you can escape from daily stress.

Gardening: Digging, planting, fertilizing and tending a garden of vegetables or flowers, can be a wonderfully relaxing time, with the reward of delicious organic food, or a gorgeous yard as well! The physical activity of planting can be a great stress release, while sunshine is a great source of vitamin D.

Singing, Loudly: We have seven musicians in our home, so we can tell you for sure that loud vocalization releases tension from your body. A great way to start the day is by singing in the shower and in the car.

Put on Some Music: Listening to good music as you get ready and start your day will create positive energy and a soothing sense of peace. Music can compliment other healthy habits, as your morning walk, or your journaling.

Stretch in the Shower: The hot water will loosen up your muscles, but the act of stretching will help you to release stored tension and enable you to start the day feeling more relaxed and ready to handle your everyday jobs and problems.

Eat a Balanced Breakfast: You may start the day by drinking coffee, but do not skip the breakfast, known as the most important meal of the day! A healthy meal in the morning, plenty of protein and fruit, can balance your blood sugar levels and give you the sustenance you need to handle your daily stress.

Drink Green Tea: You may drink coffee, but green tea is loaded with antioxidants, so it is a delicious and healthy alternative. We drink daily a warm cup of tea and this fact helps us to feel nurtured and to prepare for the day ahead.

Organize Your Time: Keep a schedule, learn to say no to urgent and excessive demands on your time, and you will have more time to do the important things in your life. You will have more time to do things that you enjoy in life, and raising children is one of the most important things. Believe me, what I write here it is not just theory! I have nine children and I know what I am talking about.

Write in Your Journal: Journaling or blogging (if you use a computer) has many health and stress management benefits, and can help you keep focused on important issues of your life, process negative emotions, and solve your stress problems.

Morning Walk: A morning walk with or without your kids can get you ready for the day, lower your stress level, help you sleep better at night, and reduce your risk of many health conditions. And if you bring a dog with you, as my wife and I do, you will totally enjoy your walk!

Cultivate a Supportive Social Group: Having school age children you can find a helpful social group within the school, with people to talk to in times of crisis. Make the commitment to meet more people, develop better relationships for yourself and for your kids, and you will find that the reward worth the effort.

Take Care of Your Body: Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers (3John1:2). An unhealthy body can cause big stress, so getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, eating a healthy diet and getting massages are all good ways to take care of your body and to decrease stress.

Renew Your Spirit: If you left the church behind other urgent and important activities try to go back to church. If you never went there, you should try. Nothing to lose, life to gain! Do not be ignorant! I find real life, entirely free of stress, every Sunday in my church and in every Christian church I visit!

Conclusion: As you develop these stress-relieving practices in your daily life, you should experience less parental stress, being able to handle it. This will lead you to a happier and healthier family lifestyle.

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Ive heard a million parents lament the fact that they didnt get their children interested in music sooner.

There are also hundreds of adults out there that wish they had learned how to play an instrument when they were younger.

Studies actually support the idea that music stimulates certain brain connections and can actually help children grow smarter!

Music also provides an invaluable outlet for safe expression of feelings and emotions, and can also serve as an important learning tool throughout your childrens lives!

Music helps educate in many ways, by developing childrens memory skills and nourishing their spirit.

Now, some children are a bit resistant to music at first, but you can easily find ways to encourage them to enjoy music in many different forms early in life.

You need to simply adopt some creative ways to introduce music in your childrens life without forcing them to take on a task they arent interested in (Hint: dont go buy a saxophone and tell them to practice or else).

Heres how you can successfully and gently introduce music into your childrens life:

- Allow them the opportunity to select an instrument they are interested in. Even if that instrument is something you consider too large or incompatible for them. Be willing to let your children make their own decisions and encourage them when they do.

- Play a variety of different music in the home whenever your children are around. Turn on the radio and turn off the TV, and make a point to try and play something different every day.

- Teach your children how to sign songs. Children learn through music. You can use songs to teach numbers, the alphabet and even help develop basic memory skills.

- Help your children make up their own songs. This will encourage them to use their natural creativity and talent.

- Hum a tune with your child. Praise them when they try something a little different.

- Consider taking your children to age appropriate concerts.

There are many concerts specifically designed with children in mind, chock full of songs and beats that will entertain and delight even the youngest of children.

Music is an important part of the developmental process children go through.

Children who are involved in activities such as band or other musical outlets are less likely to get involved in problematic behaviors and dangerous after school activities.

Music has even reportedly increased the intelligence of newborns, particularly building spatial reasoning.

Music also makes the world a happier place to live in.
Youll enjoy learning as much as your children will, and you can even explore music together!

By introducing your children to music while they are still young, you will ultimately improve their lives and their appreciation of the world in many ways.

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How To Read So Your Children Will Fall In Love with Books

If you want to ignite the love of reading in your child, you have to do more than just read the words page after page, book after book. How you read and what you do during the reading determines how much your child gets out of that reading time. So, how do you read so your children will fall in love with books? Here are some suggestions:

1. Engage children in the story whenever opportunity permits. For example, have them join in the chants and rhymes, say repetitive phrases, or fill in the last words. Some stories allow for some acting along such as roaring like a lion or mewing like a cat. Show children that with books they can be active participants rather than just passive listeners.

2. Read with expression. You can use different voices for different characters. Also vary the way you read: loud, soft, sadly, happily, excitedly, scarily etc… according to the text. Let your voice and face bring out the emotions of the words. Spark their imagination by making the story come alive for them.

3. Ask questions. There are several types of questions you could ask:

• To bring their attention to certain details. For example, “Can you see where the Big Bad Wolf is hiding?”
• To increase comprehension. For example, “Why do you think the Little Red Hen didn’t want to share the bread she had made?”
• To have them predict what might happen. These questions also irks their curiosity. For example, ask “What do you think will happen next?”

Just be careful you don’t turn the reading session into a quiz session. Also, don’t ask too many questions or it will disrupt the flow of the story.

4. Enrich the reading with follow up activities and discussion. Think of craft ideas or songs that relate to the story. For example, after reading Eric Carle’s The Very Hungry Caterpillar, you could do a butterfly craft or sing a song about the days of the week. It could be as simple as having your child draw his favorite character or favorite part of the story. How about identifying new words to expand vocabulary. Another idea would be to talk about similar experiences your child may have had. For example, if the story was about going to the doctors, you could remind your child about the time he went to the doctors. Discuss your child’s feelings and views about the story or illustration.

To get more out of a book, here are some finer points to remember:

1. Allow children to handle the book by encouraging them to help turn the pages. Don’t be afraid to let them explore the book on their own before or after you’ve read the story. They may not know how to read yet but they can still enjoy the illustrations. And if they know the story well enough, you might catch them pretending to read, just like you.

2. If you are reading to toddlers, don’t forget to introduce them to the make up of the book. Don’t only read the title of the book but also read the name of the author and illustrator. Show them which is the front of the book, which is the back and where to start reading. Point to the words as you read so they know that reading is done from left to right, and from top to bottom of the page. Of course, all these are absorbed better when done in fun and silliness. For example, attempt to read a book upside down and your child will only be too eager to correct you.

3. Don’t rush through the book. Read slowly and clearly. Create a relaxed atmosphere, free from stress and anxiety. Just for that few moments, free your mind from the 101 chores you have waiting for you.

So, if you want your child to love reading, show them first how enjoyable books can be. Opening book after book and just monotonously reading the words therein will not do much for your child. To get the most out of a book, you need to engage them and draw them into the story. If you can do this, you will heighten your child’s love for books and reading.

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Although many everyone has their own different styles of parenting, there are 4 main styles of parenting. These four different styles are authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and than uninvolved.

Uninvolved parenting is really just a lack of parenting. It is hard on children and should not be the way of parenting. Kids suffer issues such as feelings of rejection, lack of self esteem, and issues with trust. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally.

Authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive styles describe a range of styles. Authoritarian parents are at one end of the spectrum. This kind of parenting tends to be high in structure and low in responsiveness. Permissive parents are then located at the opposite side of the scale. This parenting style tends to be low in structure and high in responsiveness. Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the scale, and is a balanced parenting style. There are many different parenting styles out there; these three represent a very wide range scale.

Structure is important to authoritative parenting. There are clear rules and limits and children know that there are consequences for their actions. Routines and schedules help provide a sense of stability for children. For example, a child knows when bedtime is, and a teen knows when curfew is, and both know what will happen if he or she is late. Stability in this sense allows children to feel secure, and that, it turn, allows for an all around better atmosphere. There is flexibility in authoritative parenting that allows the parent to bend the rules on occasion. Like if a child would like to stay up late to watch a favorite TV show.

Authoritative parents also are responsive. Children have a voice in the family and the input is value. Mom and dad respond to their children’s needs and problems and are sensitive to their children’s emotions and feelings.

In authoritative parenting, decisions are made collaboratively. Children have a choice, but only up to a certain point. Parents should listen to their input, and take into consideration what the child is saying, and feeling, but the final decision lies with the parents. These types of families function as a team, and different needs are accommodated for. This results in less conflict and more balance.

Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style. Structure and responsive are both high. The parents are involved with their child’s life, and are flexible, but they still are parents. There are structures, limits, rules and boundaries, but they are not rigid. Children with this kind of parenting tend to do well socially and functionally in life. They tend to not get into problems and not to have serious emotional problems. This type of parenting is balanced, and produces balanced children.

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As parents we know that building our child’s sense of self esteem is important. Child development specialists tell us so. However knowing it is important is not the same as knowing how to give your child a strong sense of self worth. There is no simple strategy but there are several effective techniques parents can use to help boost self esteem in their child.

Let Them Know Their Value

The most important strategy is to show and tell your child how much you value him and appreciate him. Spend time with him, talk to him and really listen to what he has to say, and appreciate the things that interest him.

Empower Them To Make Decisions

You should also teach your child about decision-making and recognizing when she has made a good decision. Children make decisions all the time but often are not aware that they are doing so. There are a number of ways parents can help children improve their ability to consciously make wise decisions. Start first by giving children the ability to make decisions, for example about what to wear for the day, and then letting them live with the consequences, such as being too hot in a long sleeve shirt on the beach. Then gradually expand the scope of their decisions and discuss the problems and solutions involved to help the child evaluate the decisions they make.

Make Them Responsible For Their Emotions

Let children know they create and are responsible for any feeling they experience. Likewise, they are not responsible for others’ feelings. Avoid blaming children for how you feel. Model appropriate ways to respond to their emotions.

Help Them Find Their Niche

Encourage your child to develop hobbies and interests which give him pleasure and which he can pursue independently. These can help him develop various skills which may help build confidence as well as provide comfort and distraction during difficult times. Also, these may well provide common ground to further social interaction with others.

Let Them Work It Out With Peers

Children must learn to work out disputes with siblings, friends, and classmates without adult intervention. As they grow older they won’t always be under direct adult supervision, but also learning to work through social challenges can help build confidence and self esteem. Another important social tool is the ability to cope with teasing. Help your child develop “tease tolerance” by pointing out that some teasing can’t hurt and exploring the reasons why some kids tease.

Show Them Their Strengths

When your child succeeds at something, reinforce that success by pointing out how far he has come by not giving up. When your child fails, point out the other successes he has enjoyed, especially those that were accomplished after a failure.

Teach Them To Laugh

Laugh with your children and encourage them to laugh at themselves. People who take themselves very seriously are undoubtedly decreasing their enjoyment in life. A good sense of humor and the ability to make light of life are important ingredients for increasing one’s overall enjoyment. Laughter is a great stress reliever and a good way to make friends. Laughing at your mistakes and at life’s challenges help teach children to put trouble in perspective and cope with challenges.

Using these seven strategies can help build your child’s self esteem and help them lead a happier and more successful life.

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