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It seems more and more parents are becoming concerned about the dangeous unknown we call the World Wide Web. There has been recent concern about posting normal, family related pictures. Is posting a family picture for others to see really putting your child at danger?

Our organization works online with pedophiles every day. Real ones. Our abuse prevention programs are based on the information we gathered by infiltrating internet circles of them to learn how they act. Such first hand research gives us a unique perspective to answer this question that nobody else can.

First you must ask yourself..how likely is this? In reality, the fear that a pedophile is somehow going to see your childs picture, then become obsessed, go through the nearly impossible feat to identify your child in the first place, then develop an elaborate plan to somehow abduct your child, is about as likely as your child being hit with a small asteroid, twice in the same day.

Pedophiles are opportunists. While they may have preferences as to the way a child looks, the children they molest are based on the ones they have an opportunity to be around. And yes, nearly every pedophile is around children every day. We catch less than one percent of them, and they exist in a population well into the millions, likely into the tens of millions in the United States alone. Our organization has recently come up with mathematical equations based on the most widely accepted numbers, indicating that around one in every 20-30 adults has active pedophile tendencies.

This fear of a pedophile finding your childs picture online, and then stalking your child for evil purposes, is nothing more than an urban legend. It has never happened, nor is it likely to in the future. It is simply not how they work. They do not need to go through elaborate heists to get children. Most are around kids every day. Even the ones who aren’t and might consider an abduction, are going to search for the easiest victim. They will pick one out based on their geographic location, not go through great lengths to try and find and stalk a child’s picture they saw on the internet.

While the fear parents have about this may be real, it is unfounded. A thief is not going to spend days fumbling on a solid steel lock with a thousand tumblers, when the door 3 feet away is already open and swinging in the wind. Likewise, a pedophile will not take the most difficult, complex route to a victim.

The only real justification to such a claim, is that pedophiles are picture collecters. Sometimes they do peruse through photo sites for pictures of children. However, the reality is this: The most common internet pictures of random kids used by pedophiles are taken with a telescopic lens, and without you even knowing about it. Beach pictures, in the mall, walking down the street. The family pictures you take and distribute to relatives without the help of the internet are much more likely to end up in the hands of a pedophile, and still may end up online anyway. While it is a discomforting thought for parents to think that pictures of their child may ever be viewed by a pedophile,short of locking your child in the basement, it is a reality of the age. Picture sharing over the web is a convenience. It is something loved by family and friends. When we breed a society where inocent pictures are too dangerous to be shared, then all we’ve done is added another atrocity.

Society would be much better off, if we could stop wasting time on these misguided fears, and instead apply the same effort to abuse prevention. Lost in all this is the fact that nearly every incident of sexual abuse is preventable, with simple steps that parents can take. The media has done a great disservice to the public, by focusing on the problem of sexual abuse from the extreme fraction of a percent, and reinforcing traditional views of pedophiles which are far from accurate. If parents dont understand the way they work and act, you cant protect your children. The ploys pedophiles use can be stopped, if parents simply take the time to address the things that make their childrren vulnerable to begin with. With simple steps that nearly every parent can take, just about every molester can be kept at bay.

We understand that it can be hard to find ways to address this topic with your kids, which is why we offer safety programs that teach kids how to defeat abuse simply by reading them a childrens book. Each book addresses a different concept in abuse prevention, and over the series your children will learn the skills they need to stop just about any attack. Instead of creating new things to fear as parents, let’s go on the attack to ensure that our kids are protected.

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It’s something many stay at home moms fear, that they are hurting their child socially by not putting them in daycare or doing a million activities with them from the time they are born. But it’s not something you need to worry too much about, so long as your children do get some social time.

Infants, of course, don’t really play with each other, so that early in the game there is little to worry about. But as they grow into toddlers, they definitely need to be around other children, even if they don’t interact much until they are 2 years old or so.

One thing to remember is that activities don’t have to be formal. You don’t have to pay for art classes, gymnastics, etc. Just take the kids to the park. Most times there will be other children there for them to interact with if they like. Or they can just run around and play on the playground equipment.

Especially if there are cousins or neighborhood children of similar ages around, it can be very helpful to get the kids together just casually. Whether you do this by having all the kids play out front, in one family’s back yard or have quick get-togethers, this is a great way to ensure that your child does get some social time.

Of course, if your child has spent a lot of time with just you, it can be hard to get them to pay any attention to the other children. You may have to work harder in this case.

One thing just about all children love to do is color. Go to your local home improvement store and buy a piece of whiteboard. A 4-5 foot long piece will probably run $5 or so. This is big enough that several children can color on it at one time. Get the washable crayons rather than markers and let the kids go at it. They may not be playing together as such, but they’re certainly aware of one another and will have to take turns using the different colors. There will be arguments over colors and who colors where, but that just encourages interaction and it is up to you and the other parents to keep it friendly.

You should also take a look at what your child enjoys doing with you that could be done with other children. From playing catch to board games, there are many ways to get young children interested in playing with each other. If your child learns to do something with you, they may be more interested in other kids when they realize that they can do that activity with them as well.

Being a stay at home parent does not mean you are depriving your children socially, but it can mean you have to put some thought into the matter. You can’t just stay home all day; you need to take your children out to play where they will encounter other children. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on this, just some time.

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Nov
08

Actively Listening to your Child

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Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times. We feel like they’re not listening to us; they feel like we’re not listening to them. Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting. Your child’s feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss them honestly.

It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond. We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences. However, responding means being receptive to our child’s feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us. By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid. But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they’re coming from. Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own. Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.

It’s crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention. Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child. Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.

Don’t discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated. Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic. Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations. By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from. Remember, respond – don’t react.

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Oct
29

4 Parenting Styles

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Every grandmother and grandfather will tell you hilarious stories of their children when they were first born. And for every funny and touching story they have, they will be able to tell you another for every hardship they encountered. Parenting is something that is done in many different ways by each parent. The following are four general styles employed by parents.

Authority: Authoritarian parents rule on just that: authority. Commands are given to children that they must follow regardless of the circumstances. If these commands are not followed, harsh punishment will ensue. These parents do not welcome feedback from their children. In fact, it is met with severe punishment. The children tend to be quiet and unhappy. They have more of a fear than a love for their parents. Male children have trouble dealing with anger and female children have trouble facing adversity due to their heavily structured life where nothing ever changes.

Indulgent: Indulgent parents tend to be described as lenient. They allow immature and childish behavior. These parents expect the children to learn from their mistakes and to fend for themselves in most times of need. These parents tend to be democratic and allow for feedback from there children on issues. They will hear both sides of an argument and usually make a compromise. Indulgent parents usually avoid confrontation with their children by all means, but do tend to be more involved and emotionally closer to their children.

Authoritative: Authoritative parents are a combination of the two styles previously mentioned. They are the happy medium. While expecting proper behavior from their children, they welcome feedback and questioning on certain issues. Theyre able to demand things of their children but are also able to respond to what theyre child says, questions and requests. These children tend to be the happiest, most confident and self assured of all the mentioned parenting styles. It is very difficult to be a purely authoritative parent.

Passive: Passive parenting is being completely uninvolved. These parents may never be home due to immaturity, work or the like. These children are usually raised by grandparents, older siblings, babysitters or themselves. There is no parental involvement at all.

We wish you many happy stories!

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