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If youre planning to go back to work after your baby is born, child care is a major concern. Your childcare provider will be spending a lot of time with your child, so it is critical that you be comfortable with the environment and the style of care your child will be receiving. There are several alternatives, each with pros and cons. Spend some time evaluating each option, so that you can make the choice that best suits your needs.

The first option is in-home child care, meaning a sitter, or nanny who comes to your home to watch the child. This is by far the most expensive option, but it has many advantages. Your child will be at home, and will have the full attention of the nanny. In addition, your child will be exposed to fewer illnesses, and you will not have to transport her back and forth on your way to and from work. The main disadvantage is that you have no real backup if your nanny gets sick or wants to take vacation. Another thing to consider is your feelings if your child develops a very strong bond with the nanny. More than one mother has been hurt by the sense that the baby is more comfortable with the nanny than with her.

The second option is a small home daycare, meaning you find someone who will keep your child in her home, perhaps with her own children or one or two others. This is a good option if you want your child in a home atmosphere, but cant afford the full time nanny. This option shares the same disadvantages of having a nanny in terms of no backup plan.

The third option is a traditional daycare center. Traditional daycares are affordable, and there is no need to worry about a caretaker getting sick or wanting to take vacation. A daycare might also be more of a learning environment than home care, which will become more important to you as your child gets older. The main disadvantages of daycares are that your child is exposed to all the germs of all the children. Be prepared for the both of you to be sick for a year. The other disadvantage is the numbers of children being cared for. For example, in most states, the law requires one caretaker per eight babies. Now, I dont know about you, but I could not effectively care for eight babies alone. So, if you decide to use a daycare center, be sure to ask their caretaker to child ratio. Look for one with about five babies per caretaker.

Choosing your babys childcare arrangement is one of the most important decisions youll make. Even after youve chosen a care option, be diligent about ensuring that your child is receiving the best care. Drop in unannounced at odd times of day to see whats going on. Dont be afraid to ask questions, and let the caretaker know whats important to you. Its critical not only to your childs well being, but to your own piece of mind.

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Problem solving and conflict resolution for children should begin being taught early on. If youre a parent of multiple children in your family this becomes apparent as it wont take siblings long at all to become engaged in some type of sharing violation with one another. Children of a family with other children almost immediately are engaged in a social type of activity albeit only with their brothers and sisters early on. Conflicts and resolving those conflicts soon become part of their day.

At an early age children are in more of a self exploration and self discovery mode. From there and from a socialization progression you will see kids playing together but not as a coordinated group. In other words, the next progression is to see a group of children geographically playing together but they all still have their own toys and objects. The next step of the socialization of play is around 2 to 3 years old where youll see kids begin activities that begin to require interaction and subsequently problem solving and conflict resolution.

As a homeschooling parents you have the opportunity to actually teach conflict resolution and problem solving techniques and skills rather than just solving them. As a part of conflict resolution its important to get children to express themselves and their feelings and get past their initial emotional reaction. This will initially take some time and practice, and you should take the time to get back to, and discuss the conflict that occurred at a later time or date after the emotions have calmed sufficiently down. Discussing previous conflicts and how they could have reacted and handled them is a key in their emotional growth.

As all children do early on, before they have the ability to concisely express themselves, they learn that many times crying and even screaming resolves their conflict because as parents we try to assuage the behavior by getting them what they want or need. The time needed for this emotional growth and self education just isnt available in the public schools. But as a homeschooling parent this should be a practiced activity.

Understanding and teaching conflict resolution to your children is an integral part of their social development and growth. Without these tools, children will grow into adults resolving problems the only way the have ever known how to do with emotional behavior, and sadly, many times with force.

There is a tremendous amount of excellent information on these techniques and teaching them to children of all ages. Make them part of your day, and a part of your childs life and they will grow in depth and confidence.

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Responsible behavior doesnt come naturally; it is a learned trait. It is important for parents to teach their children responsible behavior at an early age; a healthy respect for the feelings of others, and a strong sense of right and wrong.

Combined with setting a good example and involvement in a young childs development of social skills, spend quality time with your child and instruct them about proper, responsible behavior. It can go a long way in helping to correct behavior problems that could lead to serious consequences down the road.

Everyday experiences are a parents best tool when it comes to teaching responsible behavior. Because this type behavior is a learned trait, it can become habit through repetitiveness.

Parents can effectively teach children with both words and deeds. Parents can always tell a child to respect others, and they may or may not comply in any given situation. But, when a parent consistently shows respect for others opinions, feelings, and possessions, they teach their children to do the same.

Actions + Words = Effective Training Methods

Our daily actions, attitudes, and social skills speak louder and much more effectively than words. As children watch what we do and ask questions, a golden opportunity is presented to teach valuable life-lessons.

Mommy, why did you let that old lady skip in front of us?

Because she had only a few things to buy and we have a full cartload. I didnt want her to have to stand in line for a long time.

Do you know her?

No. Ive never met her before.

Then how do you know she didnt want to wait in line.

Because she looked uncomfortable, and seemed to be in a hurry.

By exhibiting responsible, considerate behavior toward others, children learn from our actions. As we encourage questions and answer in ways that explain why we did something, children better understand and become more conscientious of other peoples needs instead of just their own.

Story TimeA Golden Opportunity to Teach Responsibility

Another good method for teaching children responsible behavior is with the use of stories. Most children are enthusiastic when it comes to having someone read them a story. Select books that teach life-lessons, and then discuss what was read. Encourage the child to ask questions, seeking the opportunity to emphasize good character traits, and the awareness that all actions good or bad will have consequences.

Every Day Presents Opportunities of Its Own

Consistency and application are keys when teaching small children about responsible behavior. Spend time with your child regularly. Encourage them to tell you about their day and things that happened; what they thought or felt, what they saw or heard, what they did or wanted to do. Use every opportunity to stimulate thoughts of awareness.

Put emphasis on positive feelings, emotions, and qualities such as bravery, thoughtfulness, compassion, honesty, kindness, etc. Help your children identify these traits in persons they know, characters they see on television, or people they read about. Help them to identify and cultivate these qualities in themselves. At the end of each day, ask, How were you honest today? or Tell me two ways you were considerate to someone else today.

Show Children How to Handle Negative Feelings Responsibly

Also help children explore acceptable ways to effectively deal with negative feelings such as anger, hurt, resentment, loneliness, etc. If a child expresses feelings of anger toward someone, avoid the urge to say that anger is wrong; instead, explore their feelings of anger with them.

Ask why they were angry, or ask them to tell you how angry they were. Help them understand that while it is natural to feel angry at times, how we express that anger is very important. There are acceptable ways to express anger, as well as unacceptable ways.

Tell them a story or cite an example of someone who experienced a particular negative feeling, then ask your child questions like, What should Becky have done when she got angry? or, Why do you think Eric was lonely? What could he have done about it?

Helping a child to understand the feelings of others as well as their own, and appropriate ways to express those feelings, are big strides toward learning responsible behavior.

By spending time with your child on a regular basis and teaching through example and discussion, you equip your child with good socialization skills, and cultivate responsible behaviors sure to benefit them and others around them for a lifetime.

2006 Lori S. Anton
Savvy Baby Gear Editor

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Some parents may worry that setting strict rules may distance them from their children. But this simply isn’t the case. Though they may gripe and complain and get upset when you become the enforcer, they realize deep down that this shows you care. These parameters you set forth and enforce make your child feel loved, safe, and secure.

It’s never easy developing and introducing rules. Parents may tend to avoid setting rules because they fear confrontation and unpleasantness. But the uncomfortable stuff isn’t necessarily a reflection on your relationship with your child, it’s just the nature of adolescence – breaking rules and pushing limits is a part of growing up. We tend to want to be our child’s friend sometimes, and when we’re laying down the law that just isn’t possible. Our primary role is to protect, nurture and provide for our children.

When kids break rules, parents often overreact with harsh, disproportionate and unenforceable punishment, which undermines the effectiveness of setting rules. Instead, when you first tell your child about a new rule, discuss the consequences of breaking that rule – what the punishment will be and how it will be carried out. Consequences must go hand in hand with limits so that your child knows what the cost of breaking the rules will be. The punishments you set should be reasonable and related to the violation. For example, if you catch your son and his friends smoking, you might “ground” him by restricting his social activities for two weeks.

Punishments should only involve penalties you discussed before the rule was broken. Also, never issue empty threats. It’s understandable that you’ll be angry when house rules are broken, and sharing your feelings of anger, disappointment, or sadness can have a powerfully motivating effect on your child. Since we’re all more inclined to say things we don’t mean when we’re upset, it’s sometimes best to give ourselves a time-out period to cool off before we say something we don’t mean.

Make the ground rules crystal clear to your child. It’s imperative that you are consistent and follow through with a defined disciplinary action after each infraction, and that your child understands the reasons why.

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Apr
08

Choosing the Perfect Baby Name

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Names are important because they represent a persons identity. The names we are given typically stay with us for a lifetime. This is why prospective parents struggle so hard to find the perfect baby name.

But, choosing a name can be difficult. After all, there are many different ways to go about it. Names can be chosen based on origins, meaning, uniqueness, or something else. This leaves many people wondering exactly how to get started. If youre looking for the perfect baby name, here are some baby naming tips that may help:

Popularity
Though there have always been extremely common names, most baby names tend to follow some sort of trend or cycle of popularity. Some parents prefer choosing a baby name that is rare, while others try to find a name that is fairly popular. Think about how you felt as a child. Did it make you feel special that nobody shared your name? Was it frustrating that others had the same name as you? Your child may end up with many of the same feelings if given a unique or popular name. Carefully consider these feelings before choosing a baby name.

Boy Names vs. Girl Names
Many of todays popular names are ambiguous. For example, names like Riley, Madison, Jaden, and Taylor can be used for a boy or a girl. While some parents only choose names that provide clear gender identification, others feel this is of little importance. If clear gender identification is important to you, make sure you choose the name carefully. As mentioned, many of the most popular baby names are now interchangeable.

Meaning
Baby names are words, and every word has a meaning. If you need help choosing the perfect name, you may want to look up the meanings of a few baby names. Many parents choose a name based on a meaning that reflects qualities and traits that they hope their child will possess.

Opinions
When it comes to baby names, everyone has an opinion. Some people may even suggest that you name your baby after them. Try to take these opinions in stride. Its impossible to please everyone and it is absolutely impossible to choose a name that everyone will like. You will be much better off choosing a baby name that makes you happy.

Spelling and/or Pronunciation
Spelling and pronunciation is an important factor to consider when choosing a baby name. Because every name can have an alternative spelling, baby name possibilities are virtually endless. Before you decide to go with an alternative spelling, think carefully. Though there is nothing wrong with being unique, your child may have to spend a good number of years correcting people on the spelling and/or pronunciation of the name.

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You are busy. I know. Working all of the time to “provide” for your family. Trying to “make ends meet” and acquiring all of that stuff you want. Just keep in mind what you may be giving up in the processthe precious memories you fail to create with your children.

You see, as you grow older you begin to place less emphasis on acquiring and more on reflection where you begin to truly take notice of all of your accomplishments as well as painful regrets.

Now take a minute and put yourself into the future when it becomes this time of reflection. Imagine you in a time where your children have grown into respectable adults raising families of their own. Imagine the all the time that has passed of your children’s lives that you will never have a single chance to see again.

As you imagine yourself into this position, begin to think all of the stuff you “have” acquired. You know the big house and the big screen TV, fancy cars, elaborate vacations, etc. Take notice of all the feelings this stuff gives you. Think about all of that stuff but without a single memory of your children. How would you feel? Would you feel as if you had regrets of NOT creating memories of your children? Wouldn’t these regrets be a bit painful to have knowing there is nothing you can do to change the past?

Now imagine yourself without all of that that stuff. Just thinking of memories of your children in their early years and that is all. Think of all of the simple things that moved you emotionally and the time spent with them. Take notice of all the feelings these beautiful memories give you. Look at their faces, their smiles, and their actions as you see them growing through the years. How much stronger are your feelings now? Would you feel any regrets NOT having stuff? Wouldn’t these regrets seem rather insignificant compared those warm memories you have made?

By imagining yourself in the future reflecting on life you can get a glimpse of what really matters most. I am not saying it is “evil” to acquire possessions, rather I am saying to get too caught up into it that you loose sight of some of the things that are more important in lifememories. These memories are yours to keep and will fulfill your life now and into the future more than any possession can. Think about all that stuff you acquired that ended up in the trash or you no longer use? More than likely if you think about that stuff now you will realize that the emotional impact they once created no longer has the same effect. A memory of your child has just as much impact as it did when the memory was created. And it LASTS through your life as you look back upon them from time to time.

Remember also that the memories you create with your children are their memories also. They get to carry them through life. They get to reflect upon those times with you or the lack of. They will use them as references throughout their lives in which the will base their future actions upon. Keep this in mind as you consider making changes in your lifestyle to spend more emphasis creating memories and less on acquiring temporary stuff.

What I am saying is

Sometimes you need to evaluate your position in life. Many times we spend so much time in needless acquiring that we tend to overdo it. Spending our money and dragging ourselves into needless debt to where we are FORCING ourselves to make “ends meet.” Keeping ourselves at our jobs late sacrificing the little time we do have here on earth for the things things that end up being less important. Yes, you do have to provide for your family. But when you have yourself financially extended because of needless spending you may be ultimately sacrificing the most important thing in your life as well as your children’s livesmemories.

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Mar
18

Expect Only the Best from Your Child

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Expect Only the Best from Your Child
Expect the best from your child. If you expect the best behavior and performance you’re your child, it’s often what you will get. Children pick up on our beliefs about them, form a self-concept that matches that belief, and perform accordingly. If we expect them to be lazy, they’ll be lazy, which will confirm our expectations for them, and the cycle toward failure is started. If, on the other hand, we expect our kids to be successful, productive, creative, and responsible and honestly believe it to be true, then our children can’t help but rise to the occasion and confirm our best opinions of them with their positive actions. So expect nothing but the best from your children and watch them fulfill your expectations.
Praise your child often when they perform a good deed or accomplish a new task. Set simple, clear and consistent rules so your child knows exactly what is expected and the consequences of misbehaving or breaking the rules. Maintain a consistent daily routine for your child as much as possible, and make sure your child gets lots of physical activity and time to play and socialize with their friends. Encourage your child to learn how to make appropriate choices, and encourage your child to do things for themselves. Allow your child to talk about strong feelings, which will help them work through their anger and frustration.
Above all, be a positive role model for your child, as their strongest educator is your example. Take care of yourself, and expect the best from yourself. Make appropriate choices and be firm yet fair when disciplining your child. Make sure to spend lots of quality time with your child, and encourage them to become involved in activities that foster cooperation and a sense of accomplishment. If you have great expectations of your child, you’ll be greatly pleased in the end.

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Mar
17

Breastfeeding and Sibling Rivalry

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Introducing a newborn brother or sister into a family can be an extremely exciting time for everyone involved. But it can also cause feelings of loss for younger children and they can react destructively. Understandably, younger children may feel put out and threatened by the new addition to the family. And family life can become fraught.

So, how can you make the new arrival less of a threat to the family?

Firstly, acknowledge to yourself and to your other children that they may feel a bit displaced when the new baby is introduced into the fold. If you intend to breastfeed your new baby, then explain to your children that you may not have as much time to spend with them as usual but reassure them that a routine will eventually become established and things will return to normal.

Try to involve other siblings as much as possible in the day to day care of the baby. You could nominate one to fetch baby wipes and nappies whilst another may be allocated the job of getting the night-time baby-gro. Or perhaps let them help with bathing the new baby. This will allow your other children to feel involved and important.

When you are breastfeeding the baby explain to your children what you are doing. If they are very young perhaps show them pictures of babies being fed by their mothers, including baby animals. Remind them that they were once breastfed by you too, if that is the case.

Some children will mimic what they see their parents doing so try not to show surprise if you witness a child breastfeeding her favourite teddy bear. Instead encourage her to tell you all about her baby.

Dont go into a different room to breastfeed your new baby as this implies that there is something wrong with what you are doing. Instead, as you breastfeed the baby, encourage your children to watch how the baby is drinking your milk and explain that it will make the baby healthy and strong. In so doing you will allow them to accept breastfeeding as normal.

Whilst breastfeeding you may find that very young toddlers crave your attention and may literally be hanging off you! Prepare for this by getting a few books or jigsaws ready in advance. When it is time to breastfeed the baby, read a story to your other children or encourage them to draw you a picture or do a jigsaw. This makes them feel valued and involved.

If siblings are bickering a lot with one another and you find yourself losing your temper with them try to take some time out. And when you have calmed down explain to them why you are tired. Ask them to understand that you are not really angry but that you need a rest.

Some toddlers vent their frustration on the new baby by nipping him or pulling his hair. You must explain in terms your children can understand why this is unfair and encourage them to do nice things instead such as helping to dress or bathe him or fetching some little toys instead.

If you are aware of how your children may react to a new sibling you can ensure that things progress smoothly by preparing them well in advance of the birth. Encourage your children to see the new baby as a family member who is looking forward to coming to live with you. Show them pictures of new babies and babies breastfeeding. If possible, bring them to visit someone who has a new baby and better still someone who is also breastfeeding.

Be careful to make time for other children in the family once the baby arrives.

Siblings can be hard work and sibling rivalry a nightmare, but you can make life easier for yourself and for them with careful advance preparations.

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There are lots of decisions to make when theres a baby on the way. One of the most controversial is the ever raging breast or bottle debate. There are many people who have strong feelings on both sides of this issue, and many of them will try like a televangelist to get you on their side. Im not going to do that. Im going to give you the facts, and share some personal insight on the subject, which hopefully will leave you feeling good, whatever your choice.

Scientifically, breast milk is best. There are nutrients in breast milk that help your childs brain develop, and try as they might, formula makers cannot replicate these nutrients. Breastfeeding protects your child from illnesses because, as long as he or she is nursing, they are protected by your immune system, which is much more developed than theirs. Breast milk is very well tolerated by babies, and hardly ever causes gastric problems, and breastfed babies are less likely to be overweight.

But, realistically, the scientific facts are not the only things to be considered. Women who simply dont want to breastfeed will probably not be very successful. Even some women who want to breastfeed will find it so difficult, that they are miserable trying to make it work. Some women will have difficulty making enough milk to satisfy their babys hunger, and some women will suffer more pain with breastfeeding than they can endure. If you fall into one of those categories, dont beat yourself up. Your baby can do quite nicely on formula, too.

When my daughter was born, I was anxious to breastfeed. I had two boys, but one is my husbands by a previous marriage, and the other was adopted at ten months, so this was my only chance to be pregnant and breastfeed. I read all the books I could get my hands on, and like a fool, spent a bunch of money on a breast pump.

Well, it turns out that my nipples are not exactly a matched set, so my daughter completely rejected one nipple. So, I nursed on the side she would take until my nipples looked like ground beef. Plus, she was an eight pound eating machine at birth, and no matter how long I nursed her, I couldnt satisfy her appetite. Even with pumping from the breast that she rejected, she was always hungry. I made myself crazy from it, worked with two different lactation consultants and tried every trick in the book, but still every attempt at nursing ended in tears. After two miserable weeks, I gave in and put her on formula. We have never looked back. I was happier because I wasnt constantly frustrated, and she was happier because her tummy was full and because her Mommy was much more relaxed.

Now that Ive told you that story, Ill tell you this. If I ever had another baby, I would try breastfeeding again. Every baby is different, and a Mothers body is different with each pregnancy. I would try again to give my child the best from a nutritional standpoint. But, I understand now that sometimes it just doesnt work, or it isnt right for you, and that doesnt mean that youre not a good Mom.

Breast or bottle is a personal choice. Weigh the facts and the preferences, and make the choice that is right for you and your baby. Whatever you decide, you dont owe anyone an explanation.

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Ive heard a million parents lament the fact that they didnt get their children interested in music sooner.

There are also hundreds of adults out there that wish they had learned how to play an instrument when they were younger.

Studies actually support the idea that music stimulates certain brain connections and can actually help children grow smarter!

Music also provides an invaluable outlet for safe expression of feelings and emotions, and can also serve as an important learning tool throughout your childrens lives!

Music helps educate in many ways, by developing childrens memory skills and nourishing their spirit.

Now, some children are a bit resistant to music at first, but you can easily find ways to encourage them to enjoy music in many different forms early in life.

You need to simply adopt some creative ways to introduce music in your childrens life without forcing them to take on a task they arent interested in (Hint: dont go buy a saxophone and tell them to practice or else).

Heres how you can successfully and gently introduce music into your childrens life:

- Allow them the opportunity to select an instrument they are interested in. Even if that instrument is something you consider too large or incompatible for them. Be willing to let your children make their own decisions and encourage them when they do.

- Play a variety of different music in the home whenever your children are around. Turn on the radio and turn off the TV, and make a point to try and play something different every day.

- Teach your children how to sign songs. Children learn through music. You can use songs to teach numbers, the alphabet and even help develop basic memory skills.

- Help your children make up their own songs. This will encourage them to use their natural creativity and talent.

- Hum a tune with your child. Praise them when they try something a little different.

- Consider taking your children to age appropriate concerts.

There are many concerts specifically designed with children in mind, chock full of songs and beats that will entertain and delight even the youngest of children.

Music is an important part of the developmental process children go through.

Children who are involved in activities such as band or other musical outlets are less likely to get involved in problematic behaviors and dangerous after school activities.

Music has even reportedly increased the intelligence of newborns, particularly building spatial reasoning.

Music also makes the world a happier place to live in.
Youll enjoy learning as much as your children will, and you can even explore music together!

By introducing your children to music while they are still young, you will ultimately improve their lives and their appreciation of the world in many ways.

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