And so, we went directly to another class after our school. The brochure
said that they would be ‘using fun activities and innovative teaching
methods to fill the gap in your child’s understanding’. I suppose they
meant that the teacher would write down the homework and we were to copy
it. At least, this is what happened most of the time. Of course, we didn’t
tell our parents. How would that help? They’d simply get smart and shift us to a class that would actually make us solve our homework.

I hated the classes. Mostly, I was bored to tears or falling asleep.
After so many hours at school who’d want to spend the entire afternoon
with the same books? But, as a child, one had little choice in these
matters. Especially when one’s parents were cleverly telling one that
mommy’s salary will help get us that spanking new TV or that video game.
Lose some, win some!

Then, one day, my sister decided to rock the proverbial boat. She decided
she had enough of studying and refused to go to the after school program.
That’s when my parents began to smell something stale. Shortly after that,
they put us in a better program (o, yes, another educational one). This
was bigger, brighter and somehow more fun. We had some interesting games,
and a COMPUTER too. Each of us got a chance to do something on the PC
(this, when PCs were just beginning to make their presence felt). We
somehow managed to blaze through our homework, most of which had to be
done by us. Then it was time to have fun. We had a little bit of
everything. Acting classes, speech, games and of course painting. Those
hours we spent splashing color on pages and laughing at silly jokes were
really the highlight of an otherwise boring day. Ironically, I began
looking forward to my after school program.

Now, so many years afterward, when I need to take up a job and leave my
own child alone till I get back, I know how important these after school
programs have become. Talk about history repeating itself! I just hope I’d
get her into a good one, and yes, it’s going to be educational too.

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Shes a year old, gorgeous and her daddys joy, and shes smiling so sweetly; at her tender age shes already taking in tidbits of information that will shape her into the woman she will eventually become. I can’t help but think of the position I’m in. I have a huge responsibility to her.

By my example, my daughter, Alysia, will learn to respect herself and value her mind, body and spirit.

Through my actions, I’ll teach her to make sensible choices. I’ll advise her that people will judge her by her attire and by the company she keeps. Ill gently steer her away from anyone and everyone questionable in her life. I’ll always be in the background watching, leading and guiding.

I’ll take a strong interest in her abilities, and when she becomes an adult, I’ll think highly of this stunning young woman with the amazing personality and numerous talents.

She is learning everyday, from the way I interact with her father, how to relate to men. She sees a loving union between us, and she will use it as a guide for her own relationships, but I will also instruct her on the benefits of using her head instead of her heart.

I’ll rejoice when she makes the right choice in a mate, but I won’t ridicule her if she makes the wrong choice. In fact, I hope to instill so much love in her that she will only attract loving and supportive people.

I’ll always speak honestly about life because what I tell her from this point forward will shape the way she views the world. This is precious cargo, you see; an African-American youngster destined for great things.

And great she will be! I knew this the moment the ultrasound technician told me I would be blessed with her. I realized that being her mother would be the most important job I would ever have. I thought about how, if my husband and I instilled in her all the hard-knock lessons weve learned through the years, she would be tough, intelligent and well-rounded. She would be knowledgeable. I was more than ready for the challenge because, sadly, I’ve seen the other side.

I know the mothers whod rather invest more time in their latest boyfriends instead of spending time with their daughters.

I know the mothers who leave their daughters with whomever is willing to baby-sit, even the new boyfriend; a stranger. Too bad mom cant see that baby girl is afraid and would rather be home with her, secure and protected.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen those same daughters, who had so much potential, grow up and try hard to pull themselves out of the cycle of abuse and neglect to no avail. I’ve witnessed them reaching out for someone, anyone, to fill them up on the inside with the love distant mommy and absent daddy wouldnt spare. Sometimes theyve reached out to the wrong crowd. Sometimes the end results were tragic.

Thankfully, I was raised with strong women in my life. I had aunts and grandmothers and my own mother who were excellent examples of what a nurturer should be.

My childhood wasn’t perfect, but I revisit it with joy when I remember all the things mom helped me to accomplish. I learned invaluable life lessons from her. She was always nearby; she shaped me into the woman I am today.

I feel honored that I, too, have the opportunity to mold my princess into a queen and, one day, her own daughter will admire her from a distance. I’ll be there also, embracing them both. My broad smile will be a declaration of triumph; our legacy of successful black women continuing.

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Most work at home moms start home based businesses because they want to be home with their little ones. And I was no different: I left a great corporate job to be around my two children.

But then, you put a lot of work in your business, and it works! Yes, you are getting orders, and making some money, but the flip side is that you dont have as much time for your little ones. How do you then balance your time? Do you still put your children first? Or do you go for the “just a minute honey!” line and hope they can’t tell time?

It happened to me: one day, during my first Christmas season in business, I was busy with an order for 150 gift baskets. It was hard work, and stress was running high. The deadline was approaching, and I had no time to stop to even straighten the room.

There were boxes with product everywhere, there were empty boxes, and there was gourmet food everywhere: a true disaster area! And just then, my 4 year old daughter (now 11) came to me with her big brown eyes in tears: “Mommy, I am bored and I am lonely… Can we play a little?” What could I do? I was alone at home with her, and if I stopped to play, there was no way I could finish my order in time.

So, I thought quickly, on my feet, of how I could play with her and work at the same time. And I came up with the idea of building her an office right next to mine out of used/damages boxes. She was ecstatic! And SHE did all the work! I told her where to go and get the boxes, and made room for her by me desk. She built a desk, improvised a chair, and even had items to sell in her store.

With that in place, I was able to continue my work uninterrupted most of the time. She loved watching and copying me: when I picked up the phone to talk to a customer, she picked up her imaginary phone. When I needed to make a basket, she made one of her own. When I calculated the price for my baskets, she picked up a pencil and calculated her own prices.

In time, her office evolved: the old, damaged boxes were replaced with actual wooden drawers. Inventory I wasn’t able to sell became her store’s inventory. She even got an adding machine, and a couch. Now, her office is her favorite spot to play. And it’s not just an office anymore: it’s an entire building with different shops. She has a restaurant, a bath and body store, a book store, and a toy store.

The store has helped her in many ways:

- she learned about maintaining and ordering inventory
- she learned about phone etiquette
- she learned addition and subtraction
- she learned organization skills
- she learned to be creative (little bits and pieces of ribbon, irregular baskets, empty containers have become great assets to her business)

Could YOU be using your business to teach your kids business basics while having fun? I am sure you could. Just take some time and think how your situation can be used to plant some business seeds in your child.

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Like every Thursday, Karen took her daughter, Anna, to McDonalds for dinner, which was a very special mother-daughter bonding time. Karen ordered a salad for her and a kids meal for Anna. To Annas delight, the kids meal came with some crayons. While they were eating, Anna turned over the paper trayliner and began to draw a circle with some numbers just inside the perimeter of the circle. Instead of staring out the window like she usually did, Karen looked at what Anna was drawing.

Whatcha drawin sweetie? Karen asked. A clock, Anna said. Are you sure its a clock? Its got more than twelve numbers in the circle. I know, Mommy. Its a clock for you. You said theres not enough time in the day.

Tears formed in Karens eyes.

Why are you crying, Mommy? asked Anna. There isnt enough time in the day, sweetheart. You and I have to make some more time time for each other, said Karen. I didnt know that you liked to draw so much. Oh I do, Mommy. Gramma lets me draw anytime I want to, said Anna. She does? Yep. We went to the bookstore today and she bought me a coloring book. So thats what was in that bag. Youve got a good grandma, honey. I know. She told me that YOU used to like to draw, too. When you were a little girl. Thats right, Karen said softly and was not sure if Anna heard her. I DID used to draw a lot and do a lot of sketches, she spoke in normal tone. Sketches? asked Anna Oh, sketches. Sketches are drawings with pencils. Can we do some sketches at home? Why of course. Tell you what. When we get home, Im gonna look for some sketches that I used to do and show you. Okay, said Anna excitedly.

When they finished dinner and got home, Anna showed her mother the coloring book that her grandmother had bought her. While Karen was looking for her sketches, Anna showed came to Karens room every time she finished with coloring a page. Karen gave her daughter kisses, praise and encouragement every time Anna showed her another page of her work.

Karen finally found her old sketches and went into the kitchen where Anna was drawing. To Karens surprise, there were drawings on the doors of the white cabinets. Anna had drawn on two kitchen cabinet doors.

Isnt it pretty, Mommy? asked Anna. Karens jaw dropped. She was stunned and could not move for several seconds.

Anna finally broke the silence, Grammas kitchen is colorful. I want our kitchen to be colorful. Do you like it, Mommy?

Karen backed into one of the kitchen walls and lowered her body to the ground until she was sitting on the floor. She cried profusely. Anna was confused why her mother was crying. When she showed her mother some of her work in her coloring book, her mother was happy and excited. Now, her mother is crying.

You dont like it, Mommy? Anna finally asked. Karen was finally able to talk, No, sweetheart. I like your drawings. Its just that when I was a little girl, I did the same thing on grammas walls. Did she like it? asked Anna. Karen was breathing deeply, almost hyper-ventilating and said, She screamed at me. Karen was now breathing more normal. She screamed at me, she said softly. Why? asked Anna. Because I was supposed to color on the paper. I was supposed to follow the rules. I had messed up grammas cabinets. Did I mess up your cabinets? No, sweetheart, Karen said quickly. Those cabinets needed some color. I want you to keep on drawing, okay? But I will get you some bigger drawing paper for you so you can make me some bigger pictures. Wow! I will make the bigger pictures even prettier! Anna said with anticipation. How come you stopped drawing, Mommy? Anna asked her Karen innocently. Karen took a deep breath and said. Because I got shut down by what happened to me when I was about your age. Huh? Anna asked confusingly. I will explain it to you when you are older, sweetheart. Keep on drawing in the meantime.

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