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Nov
29

The Challenge of Families

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Angie grew up in a family where she was the caretaker. The oldest of four, Angie was the only member of her family capable of deep caring, empathy and compassion. As a result, she was always attempting to protect her brother and sisters from her fathers physical and emotional abuse. Even her mother learned to turn to her for help and protection. Because everyone learned to rely on Angie, when things didnt turn out the way they wanted, Angie was the one they blamed.

Angie became an invisible child. Because of her acute sensitivity to others feelings and needs, her feelings and needs went unnoticed. Everyone in her family wanted to take from her, but no one wanted to give to her. Angie was not a happy child.

As an adult, Angie did much inner healing work. She discovered that she had been ignoring her own feelings and needs while caretaking others. As she learned to take loving care of herself and let go of taking responsibility for everyone elses feelings and needs, her family became furious with her. How dare she take care of herself instead of them! The blame that Angie had always experienced from her family intensified. Nothing Angie said had any impact on her familys behavior toward her. They refused to support her in taking care of herself. They just wanted her back in the old system.

Angie finally decided that, although she loved her family, she needed to disengage from them. She realized that it was not loving to herself to allow her family to continue to treat her badly. She was unwilling to continue the old family system, and she realized that she had no control over how her family treated her. Angie broke almost all communication with her family for three years.

Of course, this caused her parents and siblings to blame her even more. During the few times that Angie communicated with her mother, the hostility was extreme. What is the matter with you? Have you gone nuts? How can you abandon your family? You are being so selfish! Dont you care about us? Angie knew that it was useless to try to explain. Her mother didnt really want to know the answers to these questions she just wanted to have control over Angie.

It took three years before anyone in her family started to treat Angie with any sense of respect. It took three years before they accepted that they could no longer treat her badly if they wanted a relationship with her. Presently, Angie has a much better relationship with her family. While they will never have the deep caring and compassion for her that she has for them, they no longer expect her to take responsibility for their feelings and needs, and they no longer blame her for the problems that arise.

The question of disengaging from ones family, or from a particular member of the family, often comes up in my counseling work with individuals and couples. Many people have been taught that it is wrong to pull away from ones family that one should keep the family unit intact at all costs. Many people have been taught that it is loving to sacrifice themselves for their family, and selfish to take care of themselves.

The problem with these beliefs is that it gives a person, who is being blamed and disrespected by their family, no way out. Many of the people I work with, who have problems with their families, know that they would never allow a stranger to treat them the way their family treats them. Yet they feel afraid if they think about speaking up for themselves, and guilty if they think about disengaging from an emotionally abusive family relationship.

Sometimes the most loving act, both for oneself and for others, is to disengage from an abusive relationship. It is not loving to ourselves to allow ourselves to be treated disrespectfully, and it is not loving to others to allow them to treat us disrespectfully. Angies whole family is much better off today than before she disengaged, even though they were furious at her for it. Angie was actually being very loving to them by expecting them to treat her with caring and respect.

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Nov
26

Teens and ADHD

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Teens with ADHD have a very difficult life. This condition is one that you may not even realize that your child has. In many cases, the symptoms are so few that you do not see that it is there. In fact, they know it is, but you do not. ADHD is a learning disability and a behavior disability that causes many more problems than just a temper tantrum when they are five years old. ADHD teens face many problems throughout their childhoods and well into their adult lives. What should be done for teens with ADHD?

Here are some things you, as parents, can do for your teens with ADHD.

Get them tested for the condition. If your child struggles with remaining focused, seems to be smart but fails tests, or struggles with some of the simplest of things but excels in those that are more difficult, he may have this condition. Talk to their doctor about how to get the test and find out.

Medication. Medication is available to help children with ADHD. Before you questions if your child needs it, determine what the benefits of taking it would be. For some children, it can give them self control, self worth and help them to finally feel good about what they are doing. For others, it does not provide a noticeable benefit.

Give them time. Many ADHD teens will do well if they are given enough time to finish tasks and problems. For that reason, it is essential to clue your child’s school in on your child’s problem. They can provide extra help and encouragement for them.

Take the time to understand what it is like to be a teen with ADHD. Unless you have this condition yourself, you need to realize that it is hard. It is not their fault they can not pay attention. It is not their fault that they do not understand what they teacher is saying. And, it is not their fault that these things frustrate them so much so that they explode. Take the time to really understand them.

ADHD teens need extra learning help and they need emotional support. The teen years are already hard to deal with. Teens with ADHD have it just that much harder as it is.

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Nov
26

Teenage Risk Taking

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Adolescence is really a time of so many changes. And one of those is that teenagers are seeking to identify who they are as an individual. And a part of that process involves risk taking.

So, the first thing we need to realize is that risk taking is normal at that stage. However, risk taking can be positive such as trying out new sports or creative activities. Or they may be negative and these are the ones we see, notice and really worry about.

And these things may be a risk to their health. You know things like using drugs or alcohol, unprotected sex, staying out late at night and thinking Oh nothing will happen to me, or maybe even staying out all night.

Although a teenager may have the body of an adult its recently been proven that their brain is not fully developed until they’re in their early to mid twenties. I think its about the age of twenty-four in most young people.

So, they dont rationalize what they’re doing. And they have this sense of, this incredible sense of instability with the belief that they wont die until they’re old.

So, parents need to first need to first of all have a look at their risk taking behaviors. Remember , teenagers are always watching you and imitating you. We have to remember that drugs include things like alcohol. And a lot of parents forget that and that they’re modeling risk taking behavior.
Ill give you an example. Jared came to me and he was worried when he found out that his son was going off to the park with his friends and drinking alcohol almost every night. They were just sitting in the park and chatting but also drinking alcohol and sometimes coming home intoxicated.

So, after some discussion with Jared in one of our sessions I found out for years that every day when Jared comes home from work his wife gives him a whisky to relax. And thats how its described. I just have a whisky to relax after my long day at work.

So, we had a long hard talk about this. And the next day after work Jared sat with his son and said to him, “Hey Ive realized that Ive developed a really, really bad habit. Im having a drink every day and Ive decided Im stopping straight away. I really dont need to drink to relax and Ive got myself into this habit”

So, what Jared had done there was hed shown his son that he wasnt infallible and that he was able to correct what he was doing. He also showed him “Hey son, I mess up sometimes too but Im able to look at it and change what Im doing. I dont have to just stay on that same pathway.”

So, rather than be judgmental of his son he was able to say, “Learn from me son. Dont develop a bad habit that may be hard to stop.”

Teenagers are learning from us all the time, learning bad habits and learning good habits. You know teenagers generally look to their parents for advice, modeling and how to assess risks. So, communications got to be open and without ordering or judgment. So that teens are going to listen and learn how to assess risks.

Because lets face it, there are risks in everything we do whether its just getting into a car. When I get into my car to drive to work thats a risk. Its a risk that I assess just the same as getting into a car with a group of teenagers. That would certainly be a different risk assessment for me.

And what you need to be showing them is that there are a variety of consequences for every risk you take. And some risks are okay because they’re not going to generally result in serious injury to your health.

You know most smoking, drinking and taking drugs takes place in a peer group. So, one of the most important things is that you’re encouraging your kids to bring their friends home so that you can see what they’re doing, and so that you know their friends. This is why its so important for your kids to have a good group of friends who are healthy role models.

They also need to have a good level of self-esteem. Because this gives them the confidence that when they are in a situation of peer pressure that they’re able to say NO when they really want to.

However all of these behaviors can escalate and this is when I sometimes get to see “at risk teens”. When unhealthy risk taking falls into a pattern and its no longer something that you can work through with open communication in the family you need assistance.

Dangerous teenage risk taking, especially when its frequent and it includes a number of behaviors all at once, like drinking, driving recklessly, excessive dieting is a warning sign. Excessive dieting is risk taking behavior or it could be more obvious like self mutilation, stealing. These are often accompanied by depression and falling of grades at school. This is the time that you need to urgently talk to the school, find out whats happening there. Then see your doctor as soon as possible to discuss your fears. Your doctor will most likely refer your teen to a psychologist.

However, youll have serious problems getting them there if you havent kept the communication lines open. You need to be able to talk to them in terms of feelings. “You look like you’re feeling really down today.” ” I can see you’re not really happy.”

So, unless youve got communication lines open or if youve been openly angry with them and judgmental, you will not get them to see a psychologist, not effectively. A lot of kids can go in and see a psychologist and “play the game” and give all the right answers, but to have them really listen and benefit you need to have had open conversation occurring at home.

Its very distressing because Ive seen excessive risktaking escalate into suicide. So its very important that parents dont push the kids away at this time. Its not the time for ordering or issuing out ultimatums. Because if you do you might drive your teen into running away, and therefore you will have no influence at all. You will not be able to help.

Remember its better to know what your teens are doing (even though you don’t approve) and be able to talk to them about it and get them help. Its definately not an easy job, being the parent of a teen. The most important rules for you the parent are 1.stay connected with your teen 2.keep the communication lines open 3.ensure that your child knows they are loved 4. that they are appreciated and valued for who they are not what they do or achieve.

Its a very difficult time. But unfortunately around the world things like teen suicide are realities. Sometimes we dont see the warning signs and we dont push them to suicide but we do push them away from us by being judgmental and by the language we use eg. you should have, you ought to, its your fault. let me tell you what happened to me. Well let me assure you thats not the way to talk to your teen if you want to remain connected and have open communication.

Using language like, “It sounds like you’re very frustrated” “you know you’re really frustrated by the class change, is that right?” “Its your choice. What can I do to help you.” “Oh you are so competent. You make me so happy when you…”

So, you can see the difference in the language examples in the last 2 paragraphs!. And believe me straight away you get a different response from your teen!

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Nov
25

Teenage Anger. Parenting Tips

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I am commonly asked questions like “Why is my teenager always angry with me?” Parents DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY! Teenagers are generally not angry with you they are just plain angry. This anger can vary from resentment right through to actual rage. What you are seeing is not the anger itself but a behavior.

The emotion is the anger, but what we see is the reaction to the anger that is the behavior.

Some Teens withdraw and repress their anger whilst others may become violent and destroy property or physically aggressive to other people.

You, the adult need to understand that teenage anger is an emotion not a behavior. So, the teen doesn’t have to act out their behaviors in the way they do. The anger is frequently triggered by something going on in their life and this may be as simple as being unable to do a math problem. They may get up and walk along the corridor and punch the wall or kick a trash can, but they are NOT ANGRY WITH YOU.

This anger is usually with themselves and some perceived inadequacy. They are fearful and in this case it is the fear of failure. Your teen is on an emotional roller coaster dealing with issues of identity, relationships, the future, and all their hormones are going crazy at the same time. Understand this and you are able to accept that when your teen is angry it is generally not aimed at you. Regularly your teen is frustrated and angry with themselves. It’s really important that you the parent, don’t react to the teen with your own anger – because this just sets up a pattern of reactive behavior from parent to teen, going back and forth and ultimately achieving nothing positive. This is the time that people say things that they don’t mean and the situation gets out of control. In this situation it is essential to remember you are the adult, so stop reacting. You need to focus on what your teen is feeling, and this is a way of defusing their anger. At this time your teen needs some acknowledgement of their feelings. So what I want you to do when this occurs is respond starting with the word “you”. It is very easy for us to fall into the pattern of “I can’t stand it when you.. ” , “I told you to…”. These are both statements in which you are responding with anger, so i want you to focus on them and their needs and commence with “you”. For example, “you sound really frustrated”, “you seem really distressed” or “you seem really angry today”. We all know how much better we feel when someone else acknowledges our feelings. “You’re really sad today”. After you have acknowledged their feelings it is important that you let go of the situation and at another time when the teen is not highly emotive address the issues. For example; ask them if they had any warning signs that they were getting angry and could soon lose self control. Often before a teen (or adult for that matter) loses control and the anger escalated into something quite ferocious, they usually find that they are clenching their fists, shaking their legs, tapping their foot or possibly they develop sweaty palms. of course each person has a different sign. If your teen acknowledges for instance that they get sweaty palms just prior to an angry outburst you can assist them in finding a less destructive activity to do when their palms sweat. Relieving the pent up emotion for example with a run around the block, a swim, a shower, reciting a poem etc. They can now identify when their anger is escalating from the emotion into an unacceptable behavior. To learn more about coping or communicating with your teen visit http://www.inspireuonline.com/ or directly ask Fiona a question go to http://www.justaskfiona.com/

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Although all kids are different, I will share with you my views on sports and kids with special needs.

If your child is having difficulties socially in school, you may be tempted to sign him or her up for basketball or soccer with the other kids.

You know your child better than anyone. Just be sure that youre setting your child up for a positive, rather than a negative experience.

The things I have heard from Coaches about kids on their team would make you spit nails.
Oh, hes an awful player. Hes got some kind of disorder or something.
I hope he doesnt sign up next year.

And, the parents in the stands are just as bad.
What is wrong with that kid?!
Put him on the bench.

And, that was all heard in reference to kids in the regular 3rd 6th grade classes. I know. It made me sick, too.

Now, Im not at all saying that team sports should be avoided. Just make sure you know who will be coaching your child, and make sure that he or she is someone who you want in charge of your childs self-esteem for the next few months.

There ARE wonderful coaches. Coaches who understand the impact they have upon children and make sure that it is positive. And, of course, there are special camps and organization with coaches trained in encouraging and training special needs kids.

However, if team sports are not your childs strong suit and he or she gets very stressed or has that lost look while participating, then here are some alternatives:

Camping as a family
Going on Long Walks with You
Bike Riding (go on bike trails if you are concerned about safety)
Playing Tag
Swimming
Going to the Park (just being a kid!)
Karate (again, make sure the people in charge of the facility are warm, loving, patient people, before signing on the dotted line)

Each of these activities will help strengthen your child physically and give him or her the benefits of self-confidence as well.

Yes, all kids need to be physically active, but at what cost? Surely not at the cost of feeling like they arent good enough. Dont feel pressured into pushing your child into a team sport that may do more harm than good.

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Okay, you want your teenager to be more responsible with money. Do you remember when you were a teenager? Did you act responsibly with your money? What were some of the things your parents did to teach you about handling your money better?

In this article we will discuss some of the ways you can teach your teen to be responsible when it comes to both money and credit. We will discuss several options in regards to credit and cash management for teenagers.

Many of us, even as adults, dont really know a lot about money management. This article may also help you as an adult manage your money and credit better. First lets discuss goal setting. Why do you need to manage your money? What are you trying to accomplish?

The first thing you can introduce your teen to and maybe even yourself to do, is tracking where your money goes. How many times have you asked, Where did I spend all that money? If you have ever asked that then tracking your money can give you great insight into managing your budget better.

There are workbooks you can buy or you can use a simple notebook. Have your teen do this with you so you can both learn together. If you make it a family experience, your teen is more likely to pay attention and participate, because they will get to see how you manage your money too. It has the extra benefit of making you manage your money better to set a good example.

In this new workbook you and your teen write down every expense. Every time you or they spend money on ANYTHING, it gets written down. Not in a category, what was actually paid for with the money. You will be able to review this later when building categories like, Items I could have done without.

When you review your workbooks together, trade them. Each of you can mark what expenses the other probably should not have paid out and how much money you could each have saved if you didnt make those extra expenditures.

It isnt a bad idea for you to make a couple of mistakes on purpose so your teen gains confidence that they can handle their money and identify what expenditures were not necessary. You need to understand that the spending habits your teenager acquires in their teens will stay with them for the rest of their life.

An allowance is okay, but just until they get a job. Never make the allowance enough to get the things they want most. Make them learn to save their money up to buy those things. Once they do have even a part-time job, no more allowance. They will respect the money they earn a lot more than the money you give them.

When your teenager is around 16 and has a job, help them open their own checking account. Teach them how to balance their checkbook. If you have been doing the workbook with them, this should be easy. You can help them get a prepaid credit card or teach them how to use the debit card that comes with their new checking account responsibly.

Again, if you two have been doing your workbook and marking down everything you spend money on, managing a debit card will be easy. Also by continuing to do the workbook, you will both learn how to save more money because you will be more aware of where your money gets wasted.

We all want to help our teens and we want to buy them nice things, but as parents we also need to teach them responsibility. Nowhere is that more important than teaching them to be responsible with money and credit.

Buy them the necessities, but make them pay for the extras. That applies to clothing, school supplies, or anything else, especially where your teenager decides they want the better, more expensive version of the items in question. Let them pay for the extras and they will appreciate their money much more or will learn to do without the most expensive item.

If you help them with the purchase of a car, offer to match them dollar for dollar toward the car. If you do plan to buy the car for them, make them responsible for the payment of the insurance, gas, and other extras. That will also have the added benefit of teaching them to respect and take care of their automobile.

I hope this article has given you some ideas about how to teach your teen how to handle credit and money. Just to repeat one thing, remember that what you teach your teen about money and credit now will determine how successful they will be later in life. So take the time to teach them.

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Nov
22

Teaching Children Through Stories

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Teaching children is not an easy task. And yet, it is one of the most important responsibilities you hold as parents. It cannot and must not be delegated to others. But then, you may feel loss, inadequate or ill prepared to teach. Looking at the countless programs and methods available in the child education market, you may feel like you need a PhD in this area if you are to succeed. Then there are the other excuses too like I have to work and don’t have the time, or I don’t have the patience.
Well, here is your wake up call. Teaching can be simple, effective and doable. Reading to your children and using stories to teach is a technique that is within the capabilities of everyone. When we read to our children, we do not confine them to academic excellence but also extend into their emotional and behavioral learning.

The following are 5 reasons why using stories to teach is effective:

1.The child doesn’t feel threatened. It’s not another lecture.
When we read to our children, we are able to address a situation in a non-threatening way. What do I mean by threatening? Let’s take a look at some examples of habitual phrases we tend to use when teaching our lesson:

  • You shouldn’t lie.
  • You are so messy.
  • You shouldn’t be scared. You are just being silly.
  • You are not listening to me.

Usually this is done in a blaming or angry tone of voice. When we finger point and use the word you, children hear negative and the situation becomes tense. Some may even become defensive. Put yourselves in their shoes. If someone were to start attacking you with words, would you be in a teachable mood? I would think not. Rather than focusing on the solutions to the problems, children are focusing on their feelings of anger, hurt, fear etc… that they are experiencing at that moment.

Using stories to teach, we take out the blame and place less emphasis on the problem. We talk and discuss solutions and speak positively. So instead of a lecture, we now have a healthy discussion.

2.Working on prevention and cure.
When we use stories to teach, we can help our children work through situations they are currently experiencing. It also allows us to mentally prepare them for situations that may arise. Children gain experience vicariously through the stories we read. Children are able to learn from vicarious experience just as well as they learn from real ones. The only difference is that this kind of learning takes place in the safety of your home. For example, you could use a book about being bullied to teach your child what to do if and when they face such a situation.

3.The child has a model to follow. They identify with the characters in the book.
Children make connections with the characters of the stories you relate. You can help them further by asking questions such as:
Is there anyone in the book who reminds you of yourself?

  • How is that character like you?
  • Which character would you like to be?
  • Why would you want to be that character?
  • Relate the lesson to their own lives and experiences: Like the little pig who build a house of bricks (in the story of the Three Little Pigs), what would you do make your house strong?

After reading the story of The Little Engine That Could, my daughter began to identify herself with the Little Blue Engine who said I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. It served to be a good model for her to follow at times when she felt inadequate.

4.Children remember stories better than they remember reprimands. It’s a good way to catch their attention.
In Making Connections: Teaching and the Human Brain (Addison-Wesley, 1994), Renate and Geoffery Caine states, “There is strong reason to believe that organization of information in story form is a natural brain process… In a nutshell, neuroscience is discovering that the brain is wired to organize, retain and access information through story. If that is true, then teaching through story means that students will be able to remember what is taught, access that information, and apply it more readily.

Maybe this is why children can rattle off dialogs from their favorite shows but can’t remember what mom said about picking up their toys.

5.Allows for critical thinking.
Stories are a safe way for children to explore emotions and behaviors. A book like Jane Simmons’ Come Along, Daisy, encourages children to think about the importance of keeping close to parents when out and about . Use thought provoking questions that will lead them to identify problems and feelings such as How did Daisy get separated from her mother? and What was Daisy feeling when she found her mother missing?
The best kind of teaching you can employ is to teach our children to be authors of solutions. Ask leading questions that will underscore the point of the story such as How can Daisy avoid getting lost in the future? What a boost it will be to your children to know they can come up with such genius solutions.

Reading and sharing stories with your children can help you become a better parent. It opens the channel of communication and strengthens the parent-child bond. The magic of stories can be a powerful influence for good. Does that magic exist in your home? Start reading to your child today.

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Nov
21

Teach Your Children About Money

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I firmly believe that if we’d been taught more about investing and basic money management in high school (and younger!) my generation wouldn’t have some of the financial troubles that they do. I was lucky enough to have parents who taught me those lessons at home, but many of my friends weren’t so lucky. I don’t think much has changed for our own children. The schools just don’t have the time or resources to focus on basic money skills so it’s up to us as parents to educate our children.
We have to teach by example. If our children see us spending money on credit cards they think that the little plastic card is all you need to get your hearts desire. We need to show them that the little plastic card produces a bill each month that must be paid. Pay it in full so they can learn the habit early.

Some people are hesitant (or refuse) to involve their children in their financial affairs. Up to a certain age I would agree. But at some point you need to involve your children at least a little bit so they can learn the process of money management and it will help keep you accountable for your actions. Having to explain your frivolous purchases to your children can quickly alter your own habits.

Your ultimate goal is for your children to be better off than you are. If you dont teach them about how to manage money they could easily become worse off in their adult years. Dont burden them with ignorance. If you dont feel qualified to show them proper money handling skills then enlist the help of qualified professionals or family members who are skilled with money. The goal is not perfection. Its basic education and hopefully preventing the already catastrophic credit card debt from spilling over into the next generation.

My favorite example of teaching money management within the home was setup by the Dilley family. They had sextuplets several years ago and learned a way to teach their children good behavior and money management at the same time. The kids earn Dilley Dollars for doing their chores and good behavior. The dollars are redeemable for video game time or can be converted to real money (50 cents real money for every Dilley Dollar) which can spent on real things. The kids are taught to save some of it and they learn to appreciate what it takes to make money in this world.

Whatever system you come up with, stick with it. Make your children accountable for their own spending habits and be accountable to them for your decisions. Admit your mistakes and do your best to lead them down the right financial path. Stick with the consequences of poor judgment. Of course you are the parent and make the final decisions, but the more you can involve them in the money processes of your household the better off theyll be when they step into the real world on their own.

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Nov
19

Teach Your Child Phonemic Awareness

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In recent years, the field of reading education has changed dramatically and many reading instructors have divided it between phonic instruction and whole language. Various reading programs that fall into one of the two camps have spent millions advertising the relative merits of both.

The simple truth of the matter is that the best reading instruction takes place using a combination of both strategies. And increasingly reading research has demonstrated that phonemic awareness, not simply phonics, is critically important to ensuring reading successespecially for students with learning disabilities.

However what makes this so confusing for many parents and caregivers is that the term phonemic awareness is tossed around so often and in so many different ways. Phonemic awareness concerns the structure of words rather than their meaning. To understand the construction of our written code, words, readers need to be able to reflect upon the spelling-to-sound correspondences. To understand that the written word, beginning readers must first have some understanding that words are composed of sounds (phonemic awareness) rather than their conceiving of each word as a single indivisible sound stream.

The development of this awareness cannot be accomplished in one simple step but rather over time. It is also important to note that these skills are actually pre-reading skills. Children do not necessarily recognize any of these elements on the page but rather by ear.

The stages of phonological development toward the end goal of deep phonemic awareness can include:

~ Recognition that sentences are made up of words.
~ Recognition that words can rhyme & the ability to make rhymes
~ Recognition that words can be broken down into syllables & the ability to do so
~ Recognition that words can be broken down into onsets and rimes & the ability to do so
~ Recognition that words can begin with the same sound & the ability to make these matches
~ Recognition that words can end with the same sound & the ability to make these matches
~ Recognition that words can have the same medial sound(s) & the ability to make these matches
~ Recognition that words can be broken down into individual phonemes & the ability to do so
~ Recognition that sounds can be deleted from words to make new words & the ability to do so
~ Ability to blend sounds to make words
~ Ability to segment words into constituent sounds

Phonemic awareness is more complex however than simple auditory discrimination, which is the ability to understand that cat and mat are different words. To be able to describe how they are similar and how they are different demonstrates a level of phonemic awareness. Young children are not normally asked to consider words at a level other than their meaning, although experience with rhymes may be the first indication for children that they can play with the structure of words.

Learning to recognize and play with rhyme is often the beginning of phonemic awareness development for many children. To be aware that words can have a similar end-sound implies a critical step in learning to read. Sensitivity to rhyme makes both a direct and indirect contribution to reading.

Directly, it helps children appreciate that words that share common sounds usually also share common letter sequences. Later exposure to common letter sequences then makes a significant contribution to reading strategy development.

Indirectly, the recognition of rhyme promotes the refining of word analysis from larger intra-word segments (such as rhyme) to analysis at the level of the phoneme (the critical requirement for reading).

Studies show a very strong relationship between rhyming ability at age three and performance at reading and spelling three years later. A number of studies have reinforced the value of such early exposure to rhyming games.

Rhyming and phoneme awareness are related. Studies have shown that children who are capable of good discrimination of musical pitch also score high on tests of phonemic awareness. Since pitch change is an important source of information in the speech signal, it may be that sensitivity to small frequency changes, such as that involved in phoneme recognition is an important aspect of successful initial reading. Such results raise the interesting possibility that musical training may represent one of those pre-reading, home-based experiences that contribute to the marked individual differences in phonemic awareness with which children start school.

So, what do you teach? Techniques that target phoneme awareness most frequently involve direct instruction in segmenting words into component sounds, identifying sounds in various positions in words (initial, medial, final), identifying words that begin or end with the same sound, and manipulating sounds in a word such as saying a word without its beginning or end sound.

Most of the phoneme awareness activities should not take more than 15 or 20 minutes to complete. Although a particular activity can be selected well in advance, the specific words targeted for phoneme awareness should be selected from material familiar to your child such as a book you recently read together or a game or a family outing. Phoneme awareness activities are a natural extension of the shared reading activities.

A natural and spontaneous way of providing children with exposure to phonemes is to focus on literature that deals playfully with speech sounds through rhymes. Simple rhyme patterns are easily recalled after repeated exposure, and children will get the idea of creating new rhymes. In Theres a Wocket in My Pocket (Seuss, 1974), initial sounds of everyday objects are substituted as a child talks about the strange creatures around the house, such as the zamp in the lamp. Children can make up their own strange creatures in the classroom such as the zuk in my book.

Alliteration is the repetition of an initial consonant sound across several words, such as presented in the alphabet book Faint Frogs Feeling Feverish and Other Terrifically Tantalizing Tongue Twisters.

Assonance, the repetition of vowel sounds within words, is often combined with rhyme, as in It rains and hails and shakes the sails from Sheep on a Ship or in humorous ways such as The tooter tries to tutor two tooters to toot in Moses Supposes His Toeses Are Roses. Some books include music to go with the rhymes, such as Down by the Bay, in which two children try to outdo one another in making up questions that rhyme, such as Did you ever see a goose kissing a moose?

Spend some time in the childrens section of your library or browse through your childs bookshelves at home to look for books that deal playfully with language. Read and reread the stories and comment on the language use then encourage predictions of sound, word, and sentence patterns (for example, What sound do you hear at the beginning of all those words?) and invent new versions of the language patterns utilized in the stories.

Research has demonstrated not only a predictive relationship between phoneme awareness and reading success, but also a causal relationship. Phoneme awareness that has a positive impact on reading can be developed in children through systematic instruction. Early training in phoneme awareness should be a priority for those interested in improving early reading instruction and in reducing reading failure.

Some other activities include:

Making Word Families Charts: Charts can contain words from one story or a brainstormed list from the children. The children can dictate the words to be placed on a word family chart. As they begin to develop letter/sound knowledge, they can copy or write the words themselves. You can use magnetic letters to create words for a word family chart. Provide a rime of plastic letters (e.g., at) and have the children take turns placing different letters in the onset position to create new words (e.g., hat, bat, sat, rat). These charts can be used as reference charts (or the children can make their own word families reference book) for spelling and creative writing activities.

Odd Word Out: Four words, three of which rhyme, are presented (e.g., zveed, bead, pill, seed). The child determines which word is the odd one that doesnt belong with the others. The game of concentration or memory is a good practice activity for rhyme recognition.

Alliteration: Sound personalities can be introduced naturally and in context by selecting a particular sound to talk about that is stressed in alphabet or other books that use alliteration. For example, presenting smiling snakes sipping strawberry sodas for the alphabet letter S. It is helpful to create or provide pictures that represent these sound personalities and to post them as each is introduced. A natural connection can sometimes be made between the sound and the letter, such as presenting a picture of Sammy snake drawn in the shape of the letter S or Buzzy bee flying in a pattern of the letter Z. Besides providing a label to facilitate talking about sounds, the pictures provide self-correcting cues for children engaged in initial-sound isolation and sound-to-word matching activities.

Counting: To count syllables in words, activities can be used such as clapping hands, tapping the desk, or marching in place to the syllables in childrens names (Ma- ry), items in the immediate environment (win- dow), or words from a favorite story (wi-shy, wa-shy). Initially, two- syllable words can be targeted, building up to three.

Sound Synthesis: Sound synthesis can be done using the following sequence: blending an initial sound onto the remainder of a word, followed by blending syllables of a word together, and then blending isolated phonemes into a word. Model this by blending an initial sound onto a word by using the jingle It starts with /n/ and it ends with -ight, put it together, and it says night. When they have the idea, the children supply the final word. An element of excitement can be created by using childrens names for this activity and asking each child to recognize and say his or her own name when it is presented- It starts with /m/ and it ends with -ary, put it together and it says . Context can be provided by limiting the words to objects that can be seen in the room or to words from a particular story the children just read. As the children become proficient, they can take turns using the jingle to present their own words to be blended.

Sound-to-Word Matching: Requires that the child identify the beginning sound of a word. Awareness of the initial sound in a word can be done by showing the children a picture (dog) and asking the children to identify the correct word out of three: Is this a /mmm/-og, a /d/d/d/-og, or a /sss/-og? A variation is to ask if the word has a particular sound: Is there a /d/ in dog? This can then be switched to Which sound does dog start with-/d/, /sh/, or /1/? This sequence encourages the children to try out the three onsets with the rime to see which one is correct. It is easiest to use continuants that can be exaggerated and prolonged to heighten the sound input. Iteration should be used with stop consonants to add emphasis.

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Nov
19

Talking About Strangers

Posted by admin

A parents worst nightmare: your child goes missing. No one saw anything, no one knows what happened. One minute your child is there, then theyre gone. How can you prevent this from happening? There are approximately 2,100 reports of missing children filed every day. As alarming as that sounds, the majority of children make it through their childhood safely.

My husband and I talk to our son all the time about strangers. When he started talking and interacting with others, he never met a stranger. He would smile, talk and wave to anybody. After his second birthday, we started talking to him about going with other people. It is important to make sure your child understands that they do not go anywhere with anyone except those you, as parents, have deemed safe. In our case, he knows its okay to go with his grandparents and his aunt.

Now, of course, he overly wary of anyone he doesnt know. If we are in his grandmothers antique store and he sees someone new, he immediately hides behind myself, my husband or his grandmother. Once we say it is okay, he will introduce himself to that person. But even after the introduction, he knows he is not allowed to go with anyone except for those people we have said are okay.

There are many things a parent can do to help prevent their child from being taken. Here is a small list:

* * Never take candy or gifts from a stranger.
* * Never get into a car with someone you dont know or who doesnt know our password.
* * If someone asks for your help, find an adult you know and tell them about the person who needs your help.
* * Never open the door for anyone unless they know the password.
* * Run away screaming if someone tries to make you get in their car or does something you do not like.

Parents need to set down some boundaries and let their children know with whom and where they are allowed to go. Make sure they know their phone number and home address in case they get lost. Get your children ID-like cards every six months and have them fingerprinted. Some local police departments have fingerprinting programs for children. Also, there are several online resources for ID cards and fingerprinting.

As we hear more stories about children being abducted, the more parents realize that it is harder to keep children safe. We cant be with them every hour of the day, but we can instill in our children the street-smarts that will help them understand how to keep themselves safe.

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