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There is often a trap in the words ‘after school activities’. One may
easily believe that since these activities are after school, they are not
of much importance. But, one couldn’t be more wrong. Research suggests
that children pick up some of their most important skills from after
school programs. That is why children who do not participate in any extra
curricular activities are generally slow and less vibrant.

The learning environment that one fosters in after school activities must
be as disciplined and as functional as that found in the school. This is
especially true of educational after school programs. This is the best
place to teach the child important skills like time-management and goal
setting. Time-management is a vital skill, but it is not achieved easily.
Children need to feel the discipline that is needed to finish a task and
the happiness of finishing the allotted work in a specific time frame.

Children look for different things in an after class program. The learning
environment should be attractive, colorful and informative. Use charts,
pictures, posters and drawings to liven up a class. Additional resources
(resources that are not easily available in the school) will make the
classes interesting. For instance, when teaching a biology lesson, allow
the child to see through a microscope or see slides of bacteria. This
will add to his knowledge and also make him more enthusiastic about his after school program.

Discipline is a must in after school activities. In fun or sport-based
activities, it is easy for children to step out of line and wreck havoc.
While children should be allowed to have fun, they should be curtailed
from unacceptable behavior. The best way to enforce discipline is to lay
down the rules at the very beginning. Let the children know what is
unacceptable, right at the beginning.

Rewards are an important part of any learning process. The reward can be a
simple pat on the back or a token of appreciation. Motivate your children
to aspire for higher things by rewarding their achievements. Holding
competitions or sport activities where the children can show their
proficiency is a reward in itself.

Children can get bored easily, especially in the case of an educational
program. The main thrust of an academic program is to repeat what has been
taught in class and to allow the child to learn it quickly. It is
difficult to pique the child’s interest a second time, especially when the
child is already tired of one dose of the same lesson. It is best to
thwart boredom by using creative techniques like an impromptu extempore on
any topic, a quiz program or a slideshow.

After school activities are becoming more popular by the day. Parents want
their kids to learn more. Children too have an insatiable quest for
knowledge. In an after school program, it is possible to pay individual
attention and quench this thirst using various effective techniques.

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Productive and Positive Potty Training
Your child’s showing all the signs of being ready to potty train. That’s great! But now, where do you start?
Explain to your toddler that going potty is a normal process of life and everyone does it, even animals. Talk with them about the toilet, a special place where they can potty just like the big kids. Tell him how the potty works and let him try flushing himself. Explain that they will be wearing underwear and not diapers. Find some educational and entertaining videos of their favorite characters learning to go potty. Be sure to involve other family members in the process and emphasize the importance of consistency during this process.
Make a special trip to the store and purchase new underwear with your toddler. Let them have a voice in what you get. The underwear will have much more significance if your toddler helped choose them.
Overalls, pants with lots of buttons, snaps or zips, tight or restrictive clothing and oversized shirts will all be an obstacle to your child during this process. Put these kinds of clothes away for the time being.
Decide whether or not you’re going to use pull-ups, training pants or regular underwear and try to stick with this decision so your child has consistency and isn’t confused. Think about whether or not you want to use rewards or not. Figure out a strategy on how to handle potty issues when you’re away from home.
If your child is in child care, ask your provider for their advice and make sure there aren’t any hard and fast rules the center or caregiver has in place that may be an issue. Let them know that you’re going to start and enlist their help with the process.
Praise your child for each successful trip to the potty, and comfort them when accidents happen and try to remain patient and calm when they do. Avoid using candy or other treats as reinforcement. Let them know that it will take a while to get the hang of using the potty, and encourage and praise each attempt they make. With consistency, encouragement and praise, they’ll soon be completely trained.

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If youve determined that your child is ready for potty training, its time to take the plunge. Its not easy, but dont despair, your child will master potty training some time before kindergarten. Its important to make sure youre ready, too, because potty training requires a lot of commitment on the part of the Mom.

First, you need to make potty training a project. If your child is really ready, and you make the commitment to focus on it, many children can be trained in about a week. But, youve got to stay on top of it to make it go quickly. Here are some tips to help you out.

Use the timer
Tell your child that when the bell rings, its time to race to the potty. Then set the timer for 20 minutes. When the timer goes off, race to the potty with the child and see if she can go. If not, set the timer for another 20 minutes and try again. As you determine the right interval, you can wait longer between alarms, but 20 minute intervals is a good place to start. Not only does this make a game for you and your toddler, it ensures that you wont forget to ask if she needs to potty. Success breeds success here. If she can go for a long time without wetting her diaper, it will encourage her to remember. But, at first, youve got to remember.

Offer rewards
Offer some sort of reward every time your child goes in the potty. Double it if she tells you she needs to go and then actually goes. Every success should be wildly celebrated. We do our happy dance, sing our song and get stickers, each and every time.

Let the little one go naked
This tactic works best for those without carpet. Your child will really get the picture about how potty training works if he has an accident while wearing nothing on his bottom. It can be messy, but youll probably find that it really speeds up the process. It seems to work especially well with girls, as they really dont like the feeling of wetness.

The most important aspect of potty training is diligence. There are lots of tools that can help you, like books and dolls with their own potty. But the number one factor in succeeding quickly is simply making potty training a priority, so get prepared. Plan ahead of time to make this week potty training week and then stick to the plan. Stay home as much as possible to make training easier. Before you know it, youll be kissing those diapers goodbye!

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All parents look for creative ways to guide their children in the process of learning new skills and putting away childish habits. Parents try all kinds of systems to make discipline in their homes easier. One of the easiest, cheapest and most effective ways that I’ve found to help accomplish the goals of my parenting is a chart.

I thought of the chart method as I walked through a art supply store one day. I saw the large pieces of poster board and the thought struck me instantly: make a chart that will help your kids take ownership and get excited about the responsibilities you are trying to teach them. It was as simple as that. I picked up a few pieces of large white poster board and headed home determined to institute the chart system with my four young children.

The great thing about using the chart system for your children is that it is flexible. You can design your chart to work on any variety of skills or responsibilities that you are focusing on in your home. The section of the chart devoted to help me two-year-old start to enjoy potty training obviously looks differently than my eight-year-olds column for making her own bed each day. Think about each of your children and the specific things are have been asking them to work on. Take maybe four or five specific things for each child and make a chart that displays each child’s name and each task you hope they accomplish.

My chart looks like a graph that displays the child’s name, the four or five responsibilities I want them to work on, and then space for each of the seven days of the week. My children all know what I expect of them, and each day that they accomplish a task they get to put a sticker of their choice in that space. They have gotten so excited about filling their columns up that they rarely complain about doing their tasks each day. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that there is a reward for filling all of your spaces on the chart each week. The rewards for each child vary based on their ages and tastes, but I make sure that they are rewarded in ways that will inspire them to keep learning new responsibilities with joy.

I’d encourage any parents to institute the chart system and see how your children begin to love seeing stickers fill the spaces on their chart.

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Parents unite! Complex as it is, it is possible to rear children into responsible, happy and well-adjusted adults. From our end as parents, it will take patience and commitment. However, it will also take wisdom and experience. This is where our support system and access to those who know will play a big role.

No doubt parenting has its priceless rewards. No treasure could equal having our own flesh and blood continue the family line and seeing facets of ourselves in sons and daughters. We all look forward to seeing our grandchildren around us during visits and warm family gatherings. Grandchildren (well supported and taken cared of by their parents of course) are the rewards of old age.

It is a fact though, that being a parent is stressful and demanding. We are faced with situations that would require Solomons wisdom. Unfortunately, as most of us know, we are no Solomon. We face a thousand and one issues everyday.

For most of us who have been in this parenting business for more than 10 years, we found out that just when we knew all the answers, they changed all the questions! The issues differ from pregnancy to babies, from babies to toddlers, from toddlers to pre-schoolers. These go on and on until our precious children reach adulthood and have families of their own.

This might sound scary to first timers. However, we must remember that for every stressful situation, they are magical moments and lots of them. We just have to learn to appreciate them when they come and not be bogged down with the challenges of the day. Children, trying as they are most of the time, are a great source of joy.

When these situations and issues come though, dont we just wish that there is someone who could give us advice? We seek out that special parent who has gone through the same ordeal we are now in yet came out triumphant. How we wish we had a support group to discuss certain case studies so much like our own and find a list of solutions and alternatives. Then we could go back to our parenting with renewed confidence and hope instead of feeling hopeless and distraught.

Being parents, being good parents is challenging. No, its not just challenging. Its tough! It is more than just providing for the material needs of our children. Wed like to be there for them, raise them to be winners or at least equip them with what they need to make a go at life.

On top of being parents, we are also faced with the challenges of our own careers, our relationships and our dreams. We have inner conflicts that we have to deal with. We have seemingly mundane tasks that are a necessary part of life. Dont we just wish we could find out how other parents cope? Just maybe, they have strategies to share with us or us with them. We all have our unique experiences that when shared could enrich each other.

Its really all about sharing what we know, what we have gone through, what works and what may not work. Its all about us and our children. Its all about being parents and what we could do to make each other better parents. Parenting is actually one long roller coaster ride for a lot of us. We could either be alone and agonize all through out the ride or with the help of others, enjoy it to the fullest.

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How To Use A Token Economy To Shape Your Child’s Behavior.

A token economy is a behavioral modification technique that was first used in mental institutions to reinforce and establish desirable behaviors in their patients. Today you can find token economies being used in schools, treatment programs, and some families have found its usefulness in shaping their children’s behavior. The token economy is a system in which targeted behaviors are reinforced with tokens (secondary reinforcers) and are later exchanged for rewards (primary reinforcers). Tokens can be in the form of fake money, buttons, poker chips, stickers, etc. While rewards can range anywhere from snacks to privileges/activities.

To establish a token economy in your home first you must identify the behaviors you want your children to change (desirable behaviors). These behaviors could include completing homework, brushing teeth, coming home on time, completing chores, not arguing, going to bed without a hassle, etc. You will want to limit your focus to a maximum of three or four behaviors at a time in order to keep things manageable.

Next, decide what you will use for tokens. You may want to assign different tokens for each of your children to reduce the risk of taking each other’s tokens. You will also want to use something that can’t be counterfeited.

Primary reinforcers need to be identified and can include such things as snacks, activities, or privileges like watching television, playing at a friends, computer time, etc. Now that the desired behaviors are identified, as are the primary reinforcers, you will need to set a value for each of them. That is, when a desired behavior occurs how many tokens is it going to be worth. Also, when your child wants to exchange the tokens they have earned for a primary reinforcer, there will need to be a predetermined value placed on the primary reinforcer. For example, if your child goes the entire day without fighting with their brother they could earn one or two tokens. As a primary reinforcer you could have playing at a friends house. It could cost them thee tokens. The trick is striking the right balance between what they are earning each day and what they will typically expend on primary reinforcers. If tokens come to easily then the primary reinforcers lose their value. While if primary reinforcers are priced too high or tokens are too difficult to earn then your child may give up.

Now that you have they system in place you are ready to implement it. First, identify three or four behaviors you want to reinforce. Then list them and decide how many tokens each behavior is going to be worth. You may want to put this list on the fridge or some place where it can be easily seen. Next you will identify what will be used as primary reinforcers and determine how many tokens each will cost. This list should be placed some place easily seen too.

When you catch your children engaging in the behaviors you have identified, reinforce the behavior by providing the predetermined number of tokens. It is important to couple the dispersing of tokens with a behavioral description of what you saw and verbal praise. Eventually, you will want to move on to other behaviors that you want to reinforce and will rely solely on verbal praise to maintain previously established behaviors. The reinforcement schedule should transition from a continuous schedule of reinforcement (1 behavior : 1 token) to a variable ration schedule of reinforcement (3-5 behavior : 1 token). Last you will fade out tokens completely using only praise to maintain the behavior. You will then focus on other behaviors and repeat the same pattern.

Your children will need to be responsible to keep track of and manage the tokens they earn. There will come a time when they will want to purchase a primary reinforcers. They should always pay for them before being allowed to engage in or partake of primary reinforcers otherwise the program loses its credibility. If they run out of or lose their tokens they simply can not purchase a primary reinforcer until they have earned enough.

What does this kind of a reinforcement system do for your children? It takes away the sense of entitlement a lot of kids have today. Instead of expecting privileges or activities for nothing on their part, they now have to earn them by the acquisition of tokens through their good behavior. A token economy can help a child be more responsible and teach them how to manage their resources. Something else that it does is teaches children to delay gratification where the world teaches them to expect and desire instant gratification. Lastly, the token economy can be used to extinguish misbehaviors and establish positive behaviors.

A token economy will require some effort on the part of the parent but the benefits far outweigh the small amount of time a parent has to invest in the program each day.

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The teenage years are confusing for parents and teens alike. Kids that once seemed open and full of sharing suddenly withdraw.

As a parent, your primary concern may be fostering communication with your teen. Most parents struggle to get something other than a one word response from their teenager.

Its important to understand that you have to be delicate when approaching your teenager. You want to engage your child in conversation without putting them on the defense or causing them to withdraw.

While this can be challenging, the rewards of doing this are great. There are a few key strategies you can adopt to ensure that you foster strong communication and good ties with your teenagers.

Ask Indirect Questions to Facilitate a Conversation. If you ask your teenager a direct question youll probably end up with a one or two word response. Your goal should be encouraging them to talk about things from a broader perspective. To engage your child in a conversation about a particularly issue, consider asking them about something related but not directly tied to the subject you are getting at. Youll help them ease into a discussion of what is on their mind.

Talk With Your Teen About Their Interests. Take an active interest in your teens interests. If they are doing something you dont know anything about, consider learning more about it so you can ask them interesting and exciting questions about their hobby or activity.

Listen to Your Teen and Avoid Lecturing. Most teens will shy away from conversation if their expectation from that lecture is simply a lecture. You want your teens to know that you are interested in what they have to say. Withhold judgment at first and allow them to speak their mind.

Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Language. Your teen can send you many messages about what is on their mind through their non-verbal communication. You can also engage them in communication by putting your arm around them or patting them on the back, encouraging them to open up to you.

Remember your goal should be sending the message to your teen that you are providing a safe and nurturing environment where they can share their deepest concerns, fears and interests without fear of immediate reprimand or judgment.

Always take the time to accept your teens feelings even if you dont agree with them. You have to listen to your teen if you want them to open up. Avoid jumping in and offering suggestions immediately. Instead encourage your teen to look for answers in a positive way.

You can also encourage your teen to share more by sharing with them daily tidbits and insights into your life. Consider occasionally asking their advice or opinion on things.

Youd be surprised how much easier it is to get teens to open up once you adopt a few time tested strategies. Provide your children with a nurturing and loving environment, and they will more easily welcome you into their life.

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It can be very frustrating to ask your child over and over again to complete their chores without them ever getting done. If this describes your house to a tee, consider designing a chore chart. Chores might include taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, cleaning their room, yard work or putting laundry in the laundry room. Each chore has to be done just once or twice a week. Anything more is unrealistic. After your child completes each chore, they can put a check mark on the chore chart. At the end of each week, it’s very inspiring for both parent and child to look at the chore chart and easily see that each designated job was completed. Just like our ‘to do’ lists, your child will find great satisfaction in being able to check off each chore as it’s completed and take pride knowing they accomplished a set task or list of tasks.
Once you’ve sat down with your child and discussed and designed a chore chart, it’s time to discuss the rewards for accomplishing each task listed. Perhaps at your home you decide you will give a set sum for each task accomplished. If you should decide to grant your child some sort of monetary allowance, make sure it’s age appropriate and granted on a regular basis. A good rule of thumb is 50 cents per year of age. So your 8 year old child would earn $4.00 per week if each chore on the list has been completed. If it has not been, they do not receive their allowance.
This is a great opportunity for you to teach your children the value of both earning and saving money, and also giving back. Perhaps the child can divide their allowance into thirds: 1/3 to spend, 1/3 to save, and 1/3 to use to help those less fortunate than themselves. You might also want to consider designing a ‘bank book’ for each portion of the allowance and tuck each into three separate coffee cans or money jars, and that way you and your child will be able to keep track of how much has been saved, how much has been spent, and how much of their allowance has gone to help someone else.
Should you decide to use non-monetary incentives as chores payment, be sure you set clear parameters for your child. Be sure they understand that two hours each weekend of their favorite video game or going to see a movie with mom or dad is only earned by completing the chore list successfully each week. You might want to consider writing these on a slip of paper as ‘currency’ for the child to keep in their ‘privilege bank’ and they can cash it in with you when they’d like.
Regardless of the method you choose, keep in mind this can be a valuable tool for both you and your child.

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Think about your interactions with your children today. How many things did you notice they did wrong? What did you do or say to them because of their wrong doings? Have they engaged in the same kind of behavior before? What did you do or say the times before? Is it working? How many things did you notice your children did right today? If you did take the time to notice, what did you do or say to them? Did you praise or reward them in some way? If so, then read no further and keep up the good work. If you could use a little work on doing this, then read on.

Let’s face it. We parents often neglect to notice the positive things our children do. Rather, we tend to focus on our children’s negative behaviors, because they either annoy us or otherwise make our lives difficult. Have you ever heard the phrase, “that which gets noticed gets repeated?” If all we ever notice is the negative things our children do, then why would they do anything different? It is as if we program our children to believe “if I’m only noticed when I do something wrong, then so be it.”

It is just as important, if not more, to notice our children’s positive behaviors. Remember most behaviors are controlled by their consequences. Some may believe rewarding kids for positive behavior is bribery. We all receive rewards daily for doing things well, at work, at home, and at play. These rewards often motivate us to continue the behaviors for which they were received. Where parents use rewards ineffectively is when they give a positive consequence to stop an inappropriate behavior. For example, “I’ll give you a cookie if you stop whining.” This only encourages the inappropriate behavior. Where as rewarding kids for their positive behaviors is quite the opposite and much more productive.

Using positive reinforcement to strengthen a desired behavior is easy. Just watch and wait for the behavior to occur then reinforce it with praise, a pat on the back or a special privilege. It may go something like this, “David, I really appreciate how you came in the house when I asked and you even did it without a big hassle. You should feel good about being able to do that.” How about, “Wow Jamie, your bedroom looks awesome. You must have worked really hard on it. I bet you worked up a healthy appetite. Why don’t you decide what we have for lunch today.”

Focusing on your children’s positive behaviors could be the most productive parenting change you make if you don’t already do it. Chances are you have been trained like the rest of us to only call attention to the bad things your kids do. This phenomenon isn’t found solely in the parent/child relationship. It is also prevalent in spousal, sibling and employee/employer relationships. When was the last time your boss called you into his office and asked you to shut the door? Was it because he just wanted to tell you what a wonderful job you are doing and how valuable of an employee you are? If so, lucky you. More than likely, it was because he wanted to talk to you about something he thought you could do better or you were doing something wrong. People tend to take positive behavior for granted and punish negative behaviors.

Some parents find it helpful to make a note and put it where they can see it often. The note might read, “notice the positive” or “catch’em doing good.” You may also want to consider using a jar of consequences, a parenting tool that parents can use to help them focus on and reinforce the positive behaviors their children exhibit.

Catch your kids being good. It could have a profound affect on the atmosphere in your home. Whatever it takes I assure you it will be worth it.

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When was the last time you saw the face of a child light up and glow because they got a piece of mail with their name on it? Children love to get mail. My children, even at 10 years of age, run to the door and ask if they got any mail today. It doesnt even matter if it is junk mail. They just like to get anything with their names on it. Of course, it means that much more if there is a special reason for the mail.

Sending letters or greeting cards is a good way to foster a love of communication and writing in children. In our society, instant messaging, text messaging, and short emails have all but killed the art of good communication. Studies indicate that the more a child reads, the smarter they are. However, it can often be difficult to get some children to read due to lack of interest. I bet there isnt a child around that wouldnt be interested in reading a card or letter addressed to them from someone they care about. And, of course, if a child is raised to expect that letters and greeting cards are a regular occurrence, they are more likely to become better communicators themselves.

So take some time and send a greeting card to a child in your life. Here are just a handful of reasons you can use to send a greeting card to a child you know and help to make their day that much brighter.

1. They got an A on a test or report card. Make the joy of doing well last just a little longer.
2. They said, Please.
3. Its their birthday, Valentines Day, Easter, Independence Day, Thanksgiving, etc
4. They were well-behaved.
5. They did something special for someone (even if it wasnt you). It helps to foster the trait of good will when they get some feedback for what they have done.
6. They helped with dinner.
7. Just to say, I appreciate you. Do they really know how valuable they are to you?
8. They said, Thank you.
9. Just to say, Youre Special.
10. They did a great job on their chores. Rewards for a job well done encourage more of the same.
11. Because you havent seen them and want them to know you miss them.
12. Say thanks for being my …(son, daughter, grandchild, niece, nephew, friend, etc).
13. They made the honor roll.
14. They helped in the yard.
15. Remind them of an exciting event that is coming up.
16. Remind them of a neat experience you had together.
17. Tell them something special about yourself.
18. Tell them something special about someone you both know.
19. Share a joke you just heard.
20. They brought home a warm fuzzy note from the teacher.
21. Just to say you love them. Do you really need any more of a reason than that?

Will you be taking just a few minutes out of your busy schedule today to foster the emotional and mental development of a child in your life? I know I will.

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